Hi all, and happy belated Christmas, I don’t know if it is connected to MS or the season, but I am feeling really anxious atm, and I don’t know why. Is anyone else feeling this way? Fluffyollie xx
I find that this is one of the times of year that points up rather pitilessly the gulf between my capabilities and those of The Normals. I doubt whether I am the only one. It is not a good feeling, and can leave a person particularly susceptible to feeling anxious and despondent. Might this sort of thing be contributing to your current unease?
Alison
Hi Alison, many thanks for your response. I think you’re right. It doesn’t help that I would have been gigging in the lead up to Christmas. As well as that, I now have too much time on my hands as going through medical retirement. Thanks again, fluffyollie xx
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Hi for the first time I can remember I was not really looking forward to Xmas but smiled through it for the sake of the kids. I really don’t want to go out new years eve either. You are not alone and despondency seems to have hit hard.
Hi Fluffy,
I’m a lifelong anxiety sufferer - it predates MS, and Mum & Dad were both sufferers, so I do think (in my case) there’s a genetic element that has nothing to do with MS. Though inevitably, declining abilities sap confidence too, so it’s hardly worked wonders for my anxiety, even though I now officially have “something to worry about”.
I find many of my anxieties are about stupid things, or sometimes even no discernible thing at all (I guess that’s why they call it: “generalised anxiety disorder” - needn’t be about a particular thing.
I’m feeling anxious right now. I don’t know if it’s just from talking about being anxious, but there has been a spot of bother this morning.
It’s with my sister - who is not the most grateful or cooperative of people, at the best of times - and the boys’ Christmas presents.
I sent them both electronic Amazon vouchers, via email. They’re quite grown up now, and don’t want their ageing maiden aunt’s choice of presents - and who can blame them? I know nothing about adolescent boys, so I’m sure vouchers avoid an unwelcome gift. They are both quite tech savvy (or so I thought), so I’ve been doing email vouchers for a while, on and off. If there’s something specific they’ve said they want, then I do still send a parcel, but if it’s the usual: “Dunno”, then the vouchers.
Anyway, this morning, I get: “Neither of the boys have had anything. Are you sure you sent them?”
Sent Christmas Eve. Double checked Amazon account - says they went. Double checked email addresses with sister. She says they’re correct.
I say: “Have you checked the spam?”
They’re BOTH in spam! But allegedly neither of them have Amazon accounts, so are in a strop because they’ve got to create them specially - which the older boy went ahead and did.
But that’s not the end of the story. It now emerges two previous gift vouchers sent to the older boy for birthdays 2014 & 2015 have never been spent either. One has been opened but never redeemed (Amazon tracking history shows this) - so it can’t have gone to spam. The other (September 15) has been redeemed but never spent. So it can’t be right that he didn’t have an Amazon account until this morning, otherwise how did he redeem that voucher?
We’re not talking a baby here - he’s a teenager, and shaving!
I’m quite upset to think that apparently, he hasn’t had anything from me for two consecutive birthdays, although I sent vouchers, and also that my sister never queried this. Didn’t she think it odd that I didn’t send presents two years running? Especially if I still did for the younger one! Does she honestly think I’d treat them that way?
I’ve always thought it rude I never got a thank you - but that adds to the problem. If you don’t expect a thank you anyway, you have no way of telling your gift never arrived. God knows how much money in vouchers I’ve sent him that he’s lost or never spent.
All this is making me very anxious, although I know it’s not a genuine fortune. I’m more upset that one of my nephews effectively hasn’t had a birthday present from me in two years, and nobody has raised this with me as odd or suspicious.
Did they think: “Well, Aunty’s ill - she must have forgotten. Best not say anything”?
Or are they so damn spoilt they didn’t even notice my gift was missing?
FFS!
Tina
x
Hi, There are times when our limitations hit us more than at other times.
There can be triggers for this…
eg the stamina needed to cope with a major busy time, like Christmas.
I saw people running round like headless chickens…we have to get our little Johnny the latest game for his PS4...........its sold out everywhere...hell hate me…or
I know my little Henrietta wants a certain doll....I cant find it anywhere…she`ll be heartbroken…
Well, was he, was she?
I doubt it when he or he saw the mound of gifts under the tree.
Mums push themselves to the point of dizziness, feeling they MUST have home made mince pies and puddings, when Mr Kipling does a great range of suchlike!
Ive sat back and witnessed all this madness and felt glad I dont have to do it. I cant do stuff in the kitchen, as I am a liability!
A different kind of anxiety came over me yesterday and the day before.
Our daughters rang to tell us to leave our home, as floods were heading our way.
I worried, I cried, I panicked!
Very .luckily for us, it didnt happen…although it did for those not that far from us.
Somebody once gave me a good bit of advice, in how to handle stress/anxiety…
take a few quiet moments to think about a certain problem and ask yourself this question…
will anyone suffer serious injury or death if I dont solve this today?
Hopefully the most likely answer is no.
Someone else once gave me a yorkshire answer to a problem…
it mun cum neet…
That means at the close of day, it will become night and we will sleep (again, hopefully) and in the morning a lot of things wont seem so bad.
Now then Fluff love, does any of this twaddle make sense and help?
Im feeling anxious at the mo......cos I know I need to stop eating so much crap.......its bugging me.
luv Pollxx
Hi all, this thread is just right !!
I cba with the festive spirit, just totally fed up with everything. Totally crappy year, and now potential gall bladder issues and lost a very close friend a couple of months ago.
I was up and about all day xmas day, went to the pub with hubby for a pre xmas lunch drink and stayed up til evening. Totally wiped out and only starting to feel physically a bit better today. Been in bed since.
So sick of not being me any more and realising this is it now. Walking with a stick, mobility scooter or wheelchair on really bad days. Even procrastinating showers or getting a cuppa when it’s all just too much to be bothered with.
And a neuro who says I’m not bad. Feels pretty effing bad from where I’m standing (well mostly lying down).
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I thought I was being totally positive, most of the time.
Having three episodes in mid May, where I had no idea what was happening to me, (falls/paralysis/loss of bowel control) I was admitted to hospital and diagnosed end of May. Needed to use a crutch by September. Asking my ms nurse on the phone one day during the summer, should I just buy a walking stick “off the shelf” or should I be referred to a Physio who might match something to me and my ability. I was pretty pi**ed off to get the response, “oh well, if you want to go down that road already…”. Pardon me, but I don’t want to go down that bloody road at all! My relapse in mid September sorted that out. Admitted to hospital with total paralysis on right side, unable to move my right leg etc, I was asked by a nurse did I “use a stick at all”? When I explained about ms nurse remark, she promptly called the physio department who came and offered a choice of stick/crutch. There are days when the crutch is not enough, but I don’t even know where to begin with asking for advice for a wheelchair!
Janet, I can totally identify with you. I am sick of not being me anymore and realising this is it, now! Believe me, reading what some of you guys on this forum have to endure and how badly you have been affected, I try to be grateful for small mercies. I really do. But I miss the old me, the one who painted and decorated the whole house, enjoyed working in my acre of garden, (yes, a whole flamin’ acre!!!), the one who had never been abroad until I was 49, and then went nuts for five years and travelled extensively, and solo I might add. Hubby doesn’t “do” foreign travel and isn’t a sun-worshipper like me. Now, I get worried that if I’m driving on my own, I won’t get a numb foot where I find it difficult to lift my foot from the accelerator to the brake. I get frightened and tearful of what’s ahead of me, and how quickly, if I’ve got to here in seven months.
Boy that feels better, to let that out and not have someone tell me, “it will be fine”, “you might get better”, “it might not get any worse, be positive!”, or, “well, look at poor Sarah/Mary/John/Jack. You should count your blessings. They’ve got cancer. Wouldn’t that be worse?” Sometimes it’s hard to sit and keep my mouth shut and my thoughts/fears to myself!!! (Exhaling deeply now…) x
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It’s so hard giving up the old life isn’t it Poppy, it feels a bit like it’s all happening to someone else, not quite real.
I have my own business, which thankfully was at a stage where staff could do my work when this hit me in May, although my husband has had to take the strain which is especially tough as he works full time in a demanding job too. Trouble is now my brain fog means I make rookie mistakes and my old 70 hour week being totally on the ball and looking after my clients personally just can’t happen. I hate giving up the reins and seeing other people make mistakes that I would never allow to happen. My business is my baby that I put my heart and soul into and I hate having to leave it to others.
Still, suppose I ought to be grateful that at least it is still going and earning. Could be much worse. Metaphorical kick up the bum I guess !!
I haven’t talked to anyone for help with mobility, I just bought a stick, scooter and wheelchair from ebay (all in about £250). I couldn’t face the thought of having to ask and potentially justify myself. I have ordered a mobility car with hand controls too so that when my legs get weak I can still use it. Coming in Feb all being well, so will be a little bit of independence.
One of the things that always gets me is when people greet me with, “you look really well”. It’s difficult not to snap and tell them that I look ok because I’ve used most of my energy getting showered, doing my hair and putting on a bit of slap to look presentable. So of course I play along which just ends up grating terribly.
Blimey, this is more self pity than I’ve shown the whole year. It’s really not pretty !!
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No Janet, it’s not pretty is it? But I also think it’s justifiable to feel and show it sometimes, and where better than on the forum here, where you’re more likely going to be understood and you don’t have to feel bad about it next time, when you might be feeling better and even more positive. Lucky you with the car to look forward to. Enjoy it! 
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Yep, this is the place to offload. We won’t get Tut’s or raised eye brows, or in my case, 2 folk looking over me at each other, with that ‘she’s moaning again’ look!
Pollx