I’ve been working on my degree with Open University on and off for a decade. I had a 5 year break when I got diagnosed and decided to pick it up again 3 years ago.
It is all I have in my life now. I have no job, I have no driving license because my eyesight is so bad now. I’m 36 and housebound. It was meant to be my springboard into better employment and now it’s become my life’s work. I need the sense of personal achievement I’ll feel when I finish. I need to prove to myself that despite MS, I can still achieve what I want to do.
So I’m now refusing to be around people because of covid. I’m not worried about getting ill so much as what it could do to my condition. I can’t afford to defer any modules now as my body is packing up so fast that I feel that I need to focus and get my head down and just get it finished. Already I’m in a wheelchair and I can’t write and the other things I mentioned are obviously problematic. Studying is hard and time consuming but it is my everything.
So anyway it’s my birthday next week and people want to do things and I just Don’t. Want. To. Be. Near. Anyone.
I’m sure people think I’m overreacting. I’ve been put on my ass for weeks in the past because I had a cold.
My anxiety levels are through the roof.
Is it ok to feel like this?