Since last December my husband changed completely over night.the hospital misdiagnosed him twice and finally 9 months on we have a diagnosis of benign MS.it is in the frontal lobe and affects his personality in every way but the main issue is his aggression.he had tendancys before MS but since he fell ill it has been scary.i have 7 children ,5 under 18 but are affected in a major way as I.i have notified everybody of the situation,school,doctors etc,as it got to the point he was throwing heavy objects near the kids and laughing.also nastiness verbally.they have changed his medication 4 times but still not suppressing this problem.i am at my wits end as to know where to turn next and was wondering if anyone else knows of the same symptoms and maybe how it progresses or is managed.everyday is unpredictable.i love my husband and understand he is the one with MS but I have to think of the children too,I’m just really confused and would like a bit of advice .i would appreciate any feedback when anybody has a bit of time.x
Hi Tan,
That sounds like a very challenging situation- and it’s understandable that you’d be concerned about the way this is affecting your children- as well as your relationship.
You may find this page informative- check out the Related content & Related resources:
http://www.mssociety.org.uk/what-is-ms/signs-and-symptoms/mental-health/other-issues
Also, please feel free to call our helpline if you need somebody to talk this over with: 0808 800 8000
Best wishes
Stewart (admin)
I have been through the same, I blamed drink to start with but sadly it was the MS mood swings. After having several really bad issues, even involving the police as I became so scared, it has settled and life is good. Not sure if it is the emotional rollacoaster they have to go through to accept the what and why issues of MS. Hang in there. x
Hi Tan
I really hope your situation has improved.
My mum has had MS for over 40 years and I still have flash backs of the throwing of heavy objects… many decades ago. Now I think it may have been related to certain drugs, like Cortisone… but as a child I didn’t know about side efffects of medication or mental illness. All I knew was that mum was behaving in a dangerous and threatening way- and I was scared. Having been in a similar situation as your kids are in now I would not wish this on anyone! And I always wished someone could have protected me…
Getting professional help and intervention may be a good start, and help you with marking out your boundaries. Try to talk to your children about their dad and make them understand what is happening to him as they probably find it harder to make sense of his behaviour than even you do.
In the mean time you could also try Bach Flower remedies. They are inexpensive, easily accessible and sometimes work well with emotional problems. (lots of info online, e.g. here: http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm)
Please remember: if your partner is violent or abusive towards you it is not YOUR fault and you don’t have to put up with it. You DO have a choice… (and above all a responsibility towards yourself and your children)
Best wishes
Hi - from an ‘oldie’ (my husband died Dec 2012 from MS/Pneumonia at age 43). My carriage return not working so bear with me! My husband’s mental and physical health deteriated badly during 2011 and 2012 - the MS had hit his frontal lobe, and physically he spent most of 2012 bed bound with only his left arm/hand with movement. His mental health was worrying - my children were only 5 and 8 when their dad died, so for them it was traumatic - especially for the eldest who took the brunt of the shouting (and at times physical abuse), quite aside from them hearing me being called all the names under the sun throughout the day and night, combined with physical attacks (his favourite was to grab wrists and twist, but he did attempt to strangle me twice). I don’t want to scare you. Please talk with your/your husband’s social worker - if you don’t have one speak to the GP and get one allocated for your husband. My problems escalated when my son told someone at school that dad had hurt him - which then involved a children’s social worker! They didnt understand MS. Please try and talk to your children. My eldest has spent over a year hating his dad - and it has only been the last few months where I think he has grasped that his dad was ill, and that’s what made him do what he did. It wasn’t the man I married and spent the best part of 20 years with. For the immediate future, apart from talking to the children, you may resort to what I did. The kids didn’t go near their dad when he was bad mentally - it may appear a punishment (for my husband) but he did understand he couldn’t be around the kids when he was like that and he would eventually calm down. The same with me - I wouldn’t go in his room if he started up. A couple of times we called the police (after hours of continuous shouting). The police were very good - just went in and “told him off” but it did seem to do the trick. Please don’t think from what I say that I didn’t love my husband - I truly did - but we got no help from the MS nurse, and the GP (despite trying lots of pills) didn’t get anywhere. I was his full time carer, although we had help morning, tea time, and bed time. I found the mental health much harder than the physical problems to deal with. I felt many times, that the only solution was for me to leave with the kids - but he needed me, and in fact my eldest begged me never to leave his dad. Maybe some of what I’ve said has helped? Unfortunately I don’t think there’s a magic wand or pill for this x