I am new to using forums so forgive me if i am posting in the wrong place. My name is Josh, and i was diagnosed with RRMS in December 2010, well, diagnosed with Balo’s Concentric Sclerosis after my first relapse. After the second relapse 18 months later they told me it was RRMS. Before all of this i worked as a gardener and was looking to start my own business. Since i was diagnosed i have been unable to do the physical work, which caused me to lose my job. Over the last couple of years i feel i have been getting more depressed as the weeks pass, i loved the hard days at work and keeping fit, but now some days just getting out of bed can be difficult and tiering.
I have been passed between JSA and ESA since being diagnosed and i have got to the point where i cannot handle the stress of it for much longer. I have a partner and a 2 year old daughter who i try and provide for, aswell as the rent to pay etc. But due to feeling off balance, sick, having headaches, needing to rush to the loo, and an endless list of problems, finding a suitable job feels like an impossible task. It makes me so miserable that i cant just get a job, make some friends and pay my own way!
Recently i just feel like there is no place for me in this world, my depression is bringing my partner down, and i dont want my daughter to pick up on it. Being told im unfit to work, then having an assesment and being told im fit to work just feels like a vicious circle. I have lost all my confidence, cant even look at family members in the eye when i speak with them, i break into a nervous sweat for no reason which is very embarrasing if im out. I seem to have so many issues that need addressing and i have no clue where to start, i sort of feel asthough its all my fault im in this rut as i can be quite stubborn at times. I enjoy being the provider for my family, and part of me feels abit less of a person if i have to say i cannot do it anymore.
If anybody could give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated. Or if anybody would just like to chat, since all of this begun ive lost all my friends and i do feel very lonly.
The first thing I wan’t to say is THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Nobody asks to be sick. I’m new to this, only having been diagnosed in March. I’m fortunate in that I am still able to work, but can share your frustration at the things that this disease has taken from me.
It’s a shame your “friends” haven’t seen fit to stick around, but I think that says more about your friends than it does about you. Chatting on here is a good place to start to feel less lonely, and everyone is always so helpful and friendly.
Maybe counselling would help with the depression? Often its easier to talk through things with some one is not emotionally involved with your situation. You don’t have to worry about upsetting them or causing them worry by revealing just how you are feeling. A visit to your GP would probably be a good place to start as they would be able to refer you.
Once you have the depression under control, you may find that you can begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel and may then feel able to tackle the question of work. I know having to give up on your dreams of running your own business will be heart wrenching, and that the physical work of gardening may no longer be within your capabilities, but are there other things that you could do? Or if you can still manage some of the gardening, maybe there’s an elderly neighbour who you could offer to mow their lawn for them. I know this wouldn’t solve your work issue, but it would give you some sense of purpose, get you out of the house once a week and maybe begin to address those confidence issues as well as helping out someone in need. Also as you’d be doing it as a favour it would’t matter if one morning you weren’t feeling capable of going you could just leave it to a day when you had more strength.
I’m also quite stubborn at times (well most of the time actualy… ok all of the time!!), but I’ve come to realise that although being stubborn often gets me through situations, there are times when I just have to let go and go with the flow.
Please get some help, and please don’t think there is no where for you. You have a partner and a daughter who I’m sure love you very much and rely on you for so much more than just earning money.
I wish I had the right words to help.
Take care and come back here whenever you need as there will always be someone who understands your situation.
Hi Josh, Shuffler has given you good advise. You sound pretty depressed at the moment and this is nothing to be ashamed of. Please see your gp and get some help to get you through this difficult time. You say you break into a nervous sweat for no reason and this sounds like anxiety which can go hand in hand with depression. Your gp may offer anti-depressants for a short time until you feel more able to cope with things or he may offer CBT (talking therapy) which can be just as helpful. Please don’t suffer in silence. This is a common problem with ms suffers so get some help as soon as you can. Teresa.x
MS is a brutal condition - it takes away so much normal stuff. Working hard and providing for the family is such a normal and natural thing to want to do and to take pride in - no wonder it knocks a person’s confidence for six when MS makes that difficult. When you have gone from being an independent person, looking to set up his own business to someone who is at the mercy of a pitiless bureacracy that may or may not provide just enough to live on, that is going to hurt - it is not surprising that you are feeling a bit down for that reason alone, never mind all the rest.
I agree with Shuffler’s suggestions about how to deal with your low mood. The GP is, indeed, a good place to start. That’s where I have started when things have looked so black that I cannot see a way through. As I said to someone else earlier, I did find counselling helpful - it did not take a way the problems, but made them a bit easier to manage. I tried it when I was clean out of better ideas and am glad that I did. Medication for low mood can be very effective too. It is not a matter if trying to deaden the mental pain, more a matter of giving yourself some calm and mental daylight to deal with things better - if that makes any sense. Anyway, there are things that really can help with the low mood that so often goes with MS. You cannot fix MS, but you can very often fix depression. I am a great fan of fixing the things that can be fixed.
Thanks for all of your replies, I have made an appointment to see the GP on thursday. I am going to see if there is somebody i can chat with on a regular basis. I cant believe how much this has changed me, i was a confident, chatty person and now just picking up the phone to ring the doctors makes me nervous. I run through the conversation in my head 100 times before i would ring them. Determind to get on top of this!
Thanks for all of your replies, I have made an appointment to see the GP on thursday. I am going to see if there is somebody i can chat with on a regular basis. I cant believe how much this has changed me, i was a confident, chatty person and now just picking up the phone to ring the doctors makes me nervous. I run through the conversation in my head 100 times before i would ring them. Determind to get on top of this!
Good luck Josh, I hope your doctor is helpful and sympathetic Shuffler is completely right, it’s not your fault and you need some support, I really hope you get it.
Thank you. I will let you know what the outcome is. I feel so much happier knowing i have people to talk to about things! Hopefully i can help others get through tough patches aswell. I have been trying to ‘ignore’ it and tell people im fine, from now on i am going to be much more open about how im feeling and take the help that is offered as i need it.
Good luck Josh. This is a great place to get help and support. There is usually someone who is going through or has been through the same. Don’t be scared to post here. People like to help if they can. best wishes. Teresa.x
