Wedding + incontinence = HELP ME!

Hello everyone, My brother is getting married on the 2nd of December and there’s no toilet in church. I’ve been taking Oxybutinin for about a year and it used to be great but it seems to be a lot less effective now. I’ve rung the hospital and have an appointment to discuss this on 22/8 but any med change will not be effective by the wedding. I need to go half hourly and I don’t get to hold it. I feel like I need to go and then within 5 minutes I will go. I am so worried about the church. This is the kind of scenario that I would normally steer well clear of but I can’t really avoid this wedding. My question to you is, which incontinence pads hold A LOT of urine? I currently use Always discreet as am usually in a situation where I can get to a toilet or at least change them but this won’t be the case in church. I’m anticipating 2 hours of no toilet access so if I do pee I need to not leave a wet patch or smell. Things will be fine once I get to the reception. Please help! Jen xx P.S. I have tried dehydrating myself but my blood pressure is so low that I’m at risk of collapse so it’s not really an option.

hi tingly

well for pads i’d go for tena lady maxi night.

they are bulky but do hold a lot of pee.

can’t believe that there are still buildings without toilets in this day and age!

where does the priest/vicar and all the choir go?

don’t dehydrate yourself, i have low blood pressure too.

enjoy the wedding

carole x

HI! Yes, I know. It’s an extremely old church and with the diminishing congregation they have moved all of the services to a bigger church in a nearby town. They investigated installing a toilet but as there is no plumbing or anything it would’ve cost them £40000 so they decided against it. This church is now mainly used for weddings, christenings etc for families like mine that have history there. We were all christened there (30 years ago!) and every other service relating to our family has been there. It’s a nightmare. I want to be looking forward to my brother’s wedding not dreading it! Thank you for your advice.

Hello Jen

Have you tried changing your bladder medication? Oxybutynin is beginning to get a very bad name for itself anyway, have a look at Multiple Sclerosis Research (The Barts Blog is very well respected, it’s reliable for research matters).

You could try Betmiga, Vesicare or Tolteradine and see if one of them helps you a bit more. I can’t see why a med change would take months to be more effective.

Or you could think about intermittent self catheterisation, it might help in combination with different bladder drugs and continence pads. Starting with an empty bladder, a different drug plus a super absorbent pad might be an answer.

Why not try contacting your local bowel and bladder service, see what they recommend? I think you might be ale to self refer.

Sorry, I’m not able to suggest continence pads / pants to help. I hope you get something sorted out, you don’t want to have a miserable day.


Morning tingly. Look for incontinence pads online, betterlife etc do a range, pick an appropriate strength, they deliver, bulky but easier, and practice, so that you feel confident. They normally give a guide of ‘holding’ capacity, not sure what 2 hours worth is, but if you’re going every half hour do you actually create more? Don’t know. Wear something that makes you feel comfortable and you’ll look lovely and try to relax. In my experience the more you stress, the more uneasy your bladder. Enjoy the wedding, few months to go, heres wishing you well x

Could you try Desmopressin out beforehand to see how well it works. It temporarily slows urine production hence often used to prevent bedwetting but need to follow strict use guidelines. Tena Flex MAXI are pretty good for capacity.

Oh good idea. Desmopressin can stop urine production. I tried out the pills on a flight once but they didn’t really work. I was later told that a desmopressin spray works better. So if you ask your GP for it, ask for the prescription to be the spray rather than tablets.

You have to take it a couple of hours before you need it to be working and you have to severely limit what you drink while on it. So you might have to forgo the toasts, or just have the teeniest sip.


As I said, I have a Neuro appointment on the 22nd. I’m sure they will change my medication but it’s not going to be effective in time for the wedding.

Also they don’t let you self cath at my hospital unless you’re retaining 100ml or more of urine when you pee, which I’m not.

Awesome idea I will ask! I’m not bothered about the reception as it’s really near home and there’s toilets. I just have to get through the church bit.

I’ve been experienced in bladder incontinence (sometimes bowel). My MS nurse referred me to local Incontinence team who provide various sizes of pads to be placed inside good fitting pants I find them effective, no spills or leaks but can be a bit bulky. I bought high absorbent Tens Pants but they work out a bit pricey for regular changes.

Then I found Depend incontinence pants & they’re just as efficient, half the porice & the incontinence team still provide high absorbent pads, black disposable bags, wet wipes & dry wipes.

The Vicar/Priest should allow access to the loo for you if you explain MS means urgency. Empty as much as you can before the service, you can rely on Depend pants for a few times of 100ml & then use the Church loo after the service.

You could phone your MS Nurse way before the wedding & get things prepared so you won’t worry about “what if"s” on the big day.

Good luck, Chrissie xx

Thank you! The problem is, there is no toilet! So I need to get through that bit without facilities :frowning:

Hello Jen.

Betterlife have a lot of options.

I have been using pads for some time and they’ve been very helpful. I’ve found it important to get the right size as well. This is where Betterlife is very good. Hopefully you can discuss this during your appointment as they should have a wide range of experience.


Hi, been there, done that and got that particular t-shirt! I have since had Botox and now self catheterise and it’s transformed my life. However back to you. We were at a civil wedding and there was no accessible toilet, I couldn’t even get to the ladies in my wheelchair. I was using Tena Maxi, but by the time we got to the motorway service station on the way home (albeit four hours later) I was wet through. I’ve tried all the meds mentioned, except the one that suppresses urine production. I’ve also on occasions restricted my fluid intake, but that really isn’t good for you. I was already self catheterising because my bladder didn’t empty fully, but still released enough to give me a soggy pad six or seven times a day.

Maybe you could ask yo be referred to a continence nurse. I’m not sure if it’s an option, but after my experience at the wedding and before Botox I wondered if it might have been possible to be catheterised for the afternoon. Catheter and bag discreetly strapped to leg under clothing, for the duration of the ceremony and disposed of afterwards. Might be worth asking.

I absolutely completely understand your fears.

excuse the pun but you need to do a dry run! Imagine the wedding is this Saturday - get padded up and see how you go on if you don’t go to the toilet all morning. You’ll have an idea how bulky or otherwise the pads are and how they fit in with any outfit you may be wearing.

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You might think about Betmiga - it seems to have made a big difference to my problems with frequency, whereas Oxybutin did nothing. Perhaps talk to your consultant about the wedding. He/she may let you have prescriptions for a couple of different drugs so you can see if either help, as long as you promise not to take them at the same time (and you must keep that promise). I don’t remember Betmiga taking very long to start working.

Good luck on finding something that helps soon, so you can look forward to the wedding.

Thanks everyone. The ceremony is at half one so I’m planning on drinking a load of water first thing and then stopping so hopefully that will help, and hopefully the Neuro can help with some drugs. I also thought about a catheter with a bag so I will ask them about that. I just want to feel safe and confident.

Do let us know how you get on. Love Eve xx

If you decide to rely on a large pad it can get quite heavy and as I have found, will slip or sag down more and normal underwear or even net pants will not be able to reliably keep it in place. There are body vests which will or perhaps compression underwear

Hello Jen. How did the wedding go? Did you manage to find a solution? Eve xx