First of all I’d like to say hello to everyone.

Secondly that this forum is under utilised.

A bit about me, basically I’ve been a 24/7 carer for my partner for 11 years.

I was fired from my job 11 years ago for constantly being called to go home and get my partner who was diagnosed in 1998 up off the floor. Now we both ended up on benefits. I have no trade, Jack of all master of none. That’s when I became a full time carer. We lived in a three storey house with 2 stair lifts that s struggled to use we knew it was totally unsuitable for her needs so after 22 happy years there we had to move. So with the help of the council we bought a apartment and had everything put in place even a overhead tracking hoist although at that time s could transfer using an etac Turner. Sadly 3 months on it came into full time use along with wheelchair and an adapted vehicle that we hadn’t foreseen. For 6 years I was her sole carer, 24/7 we were both adamant that we could manage. I had to learn quickly how to manage the household because s had taken care of everything to do with running our home apart from DIY. All I had to do was go to work s organized for both of us. After 6 years I have to admit that I’d enough I needed help, I had to go against s I was at my wits end. I arranged care along with ss for morning and night. Care companies insisted it was a 2 person job and that I couldn’t be the second person, we both found it difficult to adapt. 2 carers 1 hour mornings 30 minutes at night 7 days but because s only wanted me to take care of her and I wanted carers we compromised and cut it down to 5 1 hour morning visits, I managed night and weekends until about 3 years ago when the use of her arms was also taken away. I could no longer turn s over on my own. Over the years we’ve had some good care and some not so good, we finally got everything just right in August 2017. Care morning and night, days out things were looking up. I’d started to get a bit of my own life back.

S and I both used to work full time, we lived for each other and were very much in love had no friends just acquaintances.

S was my whole life 35 years together. I lost her in June 2018.

What I’m trying to say is for the past 11 years it’s been me that’s taken care of S.

(sorry for feeling sorry for myself) Now she’s gone, I’m left with nothing no friends no job no money coming in, I just don’t know how to move on.

S tried every treatment going over the years but everything she tried made her worse apart from LDN Witch we couldn’t really tell if it was having any effect, no negative effect anyway. MS had her and wouldn’t let go.


hi ten

sorry for the loss of your beloved wife.

you really are lost right now.

see if there are any carers groups nearby which would be a good way to meet others who understand your situation.

go to the nearest ms therapy centre and offer your help as a volunteer.

once you have had some time spent meeting other people you may be in a better position to move on.

wishing you all the very best

carole x

Hi Ten. Please don’t apologise for feeling sorry for yourself, caring for a loved one is such a difficult thing to do and it seems like you did a wonderful job of it. I agree with everything Carole said about volunteering and meeting other people to get you back into socialising. I’m not sure how old you are but maybe a part time job could help you feel less isolated. I know you only mentioned acquaintances but maybe they are closer than you think and would be pleased to help if you call on them.

I lost my partner of 19 years a few years ago after nursing him through cancer and I promise you that life will get better. Good luck to you and I hope things gradually start to improve. Karen.

Hiya mate, are there any interests or hobbies that you feel like you would like to have a go at? The reason I ask is because I’m thinking that joining a club might do you the world of good. Regular routine and meetings to go to, you would soon start to make friends.

All the Best.