My boyfriend who is 24 has recently been diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS In December 2013. He recently visited his specialist who has told him there are about 4 types of Drugs he can choose from. However he has asked my partner to research these himself. My partner is still refusing to accept the fact he has MS. (He was a committed boxer) so is not making any progress on research infact he’s even considering refusing treatment. Does anyone have any advice on how I can maybe help him out with research? Or try to get him round to the idea treatment will help. He can get very annoyed and frustrated when you ask him about it. Also this may sound a silly question but can MS affect your behaviour/emotional? Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Hiya,
Yes it’s not easy to accept a diagnosis of MS in fact for a fit young man; like what your partner obviously is; it’s impossible. It took me almost 7 years to say those lovely words “I’ve got MS” to anyone except my nearest and dearest.
It was quite obvious to friends and colleagues something was seriously wrong. The only trouble is then the Rumour Mill starts and everything from Sleeping Sickness to Tumour on the Brain goes around.
I’m sure your partner’s most important worry is he does not want anyone feeling sorry for him: believe me they do not or should I say they do but it is momentary.
If he likes a fight he is one hell of a match now. Give up Boxing and to anyone newly diagnosed it has taken a friggin long time but medical science is advancing at such a rapid rate; he WILL receive an answer.
MS cause and cure unknown but not for long.
If you want to know all about treatments/ DMDs see http://www.msdecisions.org.uk/
Tell him to stop keep beating himself up; don’t do a Mohamed Al; only fight MS.
Good luck.
G
Thank you so much for the advice. Hopefully I can maybe give him a pep talk just like that and try and encourage him.
The medical machine rumbles along at its own pace, and it assumes that everyone is going to be well-behaved little patient and take the news that he has MS like a lamb, and do what the doctor says and take the drugs and be grateful. Life’s not like that though, is it?
Your boyfriend is very likely to be in a state of shock and denial. He probably just needs some time to get his head around the idea that he has MS. ggood says it took him a while before he was prepared to share the news more widely. I was about the same. So I think that a bit of time and patience are in order here. You have found out what doesn’t work - trying to force him to think about it until he is good and ready. It might be worth thinking about how you can help him to buy a bit of time on the medication front - a few months, perhaps? It is important to keep a good relationship with the doctors - they are on his side and they know that this stuff is very tough. If he explains that it has all been a shock and he needs some time to think about drugs, that keeps the pressure off and the door open. The doctors do tend to be keen to get a person started on disease-modifying drugs - the sooner the better - but there is no point forcing the issue and most of them will understand this very well. If a person is going to have to inject himself, he needs to want to do it, rather than be badgered into it.
I think that time is your best ally here - giving him time to start assimilating the news and what it might mean for him, and how he is going to deal with it. He is lucky to have a supportive and caring person by his side at a very tough time in his life.
Good luck with it all.
Alison
Sorry, forgot this bit…yes, for some unlucky people, MS can cause behavioural and emotional problems directly as part of the disease process. But what is MUCH more common is that MS can cause behavioural and emotional problems indirectly, in just the same way as any sort of major shock or difficulty can make us respond in an unhelpful way as we deal with strong feelings. In other words, that’s just being a normal human - it’s not the disease talking. And people learn to deal with those strong feelings and learn to manage them better.
Alison