Had an absolutely horrendous day today at work. I’ve been working from home a lot recently due to my MS and Arthritis.
I was working from home yesterday morning and then had to log off at 2pm as I had a horrific attack of fatigue and emailed the team in the office to say I needed to log off and rest. No one replied. It affects me so badly that I can’t keep my eyes open and my body ceases to function. I said that if I rested I’d most likely be able to work today and get a project over the line.
I’ve been managing this project very closely over the past few weeks. Last Tuesday I sat with my Grandfather in the hospital as he passed away quite suddenly so that hasn’t helped. I kept work fully informed on all of my projects and was still emailing the project teams while I was on compassionate leave. It’s hard enough dealing with losing a member of the family, but we have been through so much since my brother was killed by someone 8 years ago and it brings it all back.
I logged on again at home this morning shocked to find a very aggressive email from someone in my team, accusing me of not doing my job properly. Apparently a couple of people in the team had to step in for a bit while I was ill yesterday afternoon as some of the project team had been difficult. It really upset me as she basically told me that " I know you’ve had personal problems, as we all have", but if I wasn’t able to manage it properly I should have given it to someone at the start who could. I didn’t know my Grandad would die and I started this project weeks ago. The project teams were very understanding and we’ve worked around it. I’ve been in tears for most of the day as despite my issues I’m very hard working and have never missed a deadline.
I feel like I’m being used as a scapegoat as they were stressed. Not only am I stressed, but I’m in constant pain, grieving and now totally miserable.
I’m one of the most organised people in the team and this has never happened before. This manager has sent me and other team members emails previously accusing us of things without knowing the full story. Unfortunately she is close to the head of department so probably thinks she can get away with it.
Anyway I worked 9 solid hours today without a break to get this project out the door successfully. I know I won’t get any credit for it though. I know it’s business but surely a bit of compassion is not too much too ask.