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My daughter doesn't believe in MS

Hi everyone

I hope my avatar is working. Anyway my daughter (aged 28) does not really believe in illnesses such as MS. She believes that I became unhappy with my life when things got tough and will some day get better when I am happy again. She believes that the medical profession make money from diseases such as MS and are not really interested in curing us.

I know I am a bit obsessed as I don’t have a lot else going on in my life. My only social outlet tends to be the MS Society and if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t go out at all. I am sure there are others struggling with family’s attitudes too. I

Wendy

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Oh yes , Wendy Oh yes!

i have 2 children that seem to have adopted the ,Kick me when i am down syndrome!

I am so sorry.

Big , big hugs

Hey - wouldn’t it be great if it really was as simple as your Daughter believes!

Hi Wendy, looks like your daughter is in denial, feel for you, my siblings treat me like that too, they have never ackknowledged my ms, and make out i am saying i have ms for attention,they dont even want to know what MS is, i asked them once and all i got was a blank stare, so i never mentioned it again,i dont see them now, i cut myself off from them,and feel better for it, but you cant do that, because its your daughter,maybe shes like this, because its easier for her to handle,its hard for our kids, when they have a parent who is ill, i dont mention my ms to anyone, and when people find out, they are shocked, and say i dont look like i have ms !!! i am pleased i dont look as ill as i feel lol,coming on her really helps me, to talk to others that understand.

jaki xx

This seems to be typical of the’I cant see it, so you cant have it’ school of thought. Some doctors also seem to subscribe to it.

However MS does have physical indicators ie MRI that indicatge lesions on the brain and all the rest.

I wonder if perhaps it is easier for your daughter to some extent ‘blame’ you for having this debilitating illness.

But how you tackle her without falling out is another matter. I think I would have a look at publications produced by the Society and order her a couple, for a start at any rate.

Hope things are as well as they can be with you.

Regards

You have my deepest sympathy Wendy - I think that would drive me nuts!

Have you tried showing her your MRI scan?! Or does she think that lesions heal themselves when they’re happy?!

Maybe it would be kinder to just put up with it though - else she might go to the other extreme, and that might be worse!

Karen x

Wendy,

l too, have a daughter who is 28 - l became ill with my ms when l became pregnant with her. So she has grown-up with me being

‘unable’ to walk far - falling over all the time - and the bowel/bladder problems. lts my biggest regret that she did not know me before all this.

She has had to grow up being very independant and resourceful. l have always had horses and riding has been a big part of my life.

And until recently, l have ridden regularly. l taught my daughter to ride and we have both been involved with our horses/ponies. l used to occasionally fetch her from school in a pony and trap. l now have a ‘gammy knee’ which is making it impossible to ride at the moment.

Hopefully, it will improve as l am on the list for a knee replacement op. My daughter, does know quite a bit about MS - mostly from the ‘web’.

Also, one of her drivers [she is a Transport Manager] his wife has MS and has been to Poland for CCSVI treatment - which has been very successful. So she is trying to persuade me to do the same. l am still undecided.

She does know that there is a big chance of her developing ms - and l have shown her all the info on vitd3 - so she is taking it.

l have used this site for nearly 3yrs - since falling and fracturing my ankle - and my daughter got me the lap-top for something to do.

Apart from coming on here occasionally - l do not get involved in any other aspect of ms. l have lots of animals that need my attention -

and my elderly mum to look after [ in that order - shame on me] l find it best to keep my mind off what l can’t do - and concentrate l what l can. Luckily, l can still drive my car -automatic - and as you know l get out on my Tramper with my dogs. Does your daughter ever read the

posts on this site. lt might give her a better insight of how life is for us - and how diverse this illness is. Being happy in what you do does make you feel better - but life does dish out so many ups and downs. My ups have been my daughter/mum/pets - my downs are all to do with my OH and my MS. [Strictly in that order!]

Look after yourself Wendy - Lots of us understand how you feel - and it does help knowing you are not alone.

F.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your replies, it helps to know there are people who understand. I don’t think I explained it very well. My daughter does know I’m ill and is helpful and kind. She also realises that I can’t drive any more cause I’m possibly a danger, so she does take me out from time to time when she’s able but she gets fed up with hearing about the MS I suppose it makes her feel guilty and also hopes that some day I’ll be ok again. I used to think that about my mum who had R. Arthritis. I am trying to make a life for myself as I don’t work and don’t do the things I used to, without putting any burden on my family, (put my life on hold for my mum), so have intrenched myself into MS and helping others.It seems that what ever we do it’s wrong! I know I talk about it too much but don’t have any other interests, perhaps I need to think of doing something else with my life.

Love to all

Wendy

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Hmm long term ‘friends’ that I had pre MS have all abondoned me, no one gave that as the reason of course. I can only assume they simply didnt want to get involved with what could be a long term liability. Now I tell no one I have the disease.

Same happened with my kids, because I go out of my way to make out theres not much wrong, they think I just cant be bothered to do anything.No money to give them so I never see them.

Sod em all is my attitude now.

What? never heard the like. Lets hope she isnt struck down with a severe illness that needs professionals` help, eh?

It was a good while until my eldest accepted I had MS…didn`t want to admit that mum could be ill, I think.

luv Pollx

This illness is very hard on our loved ones isn’t it? I am probable MS but my Neuro expects the MS specialist she is sending me to, to fully dx MS. When my 16-year-old son found out he was really angry that no one seemed to be helping his mum. My 15-year-old son is a typical teenager who says very little so I don’t know what he is thinking! My 13-year-old is kind and thoughtful but finds it hard to understand and I feel really sad that my 6-year-old will only ever remember me as having difficulty walking etc. He is so kind to me though and holds my hand to help me along! Tree65

Hi Sorry that you are not getting support from your daughter. Perhaps she thinks if she doesn’t accept the fact that you have been diagnoised, that somehow it will all magically go away.

Being in denial, sadly, won’t help her or you in the short or long term though. Perhaps she should discover this site and read how others are dealing with all sorts of problems due to MS.

None of us would ever wish MS or any illness on another person, and as she is so blissfully unaware that such illnesses do really exist, I hope she never has to personally find out what it is like to have a long term chronic condition.

I wish you well and hope you can remain patient with her - time can help with acceptance of any situation.

All the Best - Equus X

Hi Wendy,

I do feel for you.

I am lucky my boys are both great and accept that "mummy is different and special! there words not mine lol! But unfortunately there dad doesn’t see it the same way and completely ignores the fact that I have MS, despite the fact that he has been with me all through my diagnosis stage and watches me have to use a walking stick occasionally and inject myself weekly!

Jo xx

Your avatar is lovely.

Some people are just wrong-headed and annoying, and ths remains the case even when they are our own flesh and blood and we love them.

Rise above it, Wendy. It is very hard th change the views of people who say those sort of things. It can be very hard when people who ought to understand are, evidently, very far from doing so. But that’s life.

Alison

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