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More chortles

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single folk or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder…

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I’ll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on…

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the lift button more than once make it arrive faster?

Thanks F,

Wb x <(L)>

hiya

f sent me this earlier too-very true! unanswerable questions-just what we need…

ellie x

Dead right E, I thought they’d lighten the load a tad.Speaking of light loads,do you know how H is getting on? I’ve E-mailed but heard nowt.How are you diddling?

S xx <(L)>

:slight_smile: i loved the pointing to the bum one :slight_smile: x

hiya

spoke with h last week-shes grand. i am dandyo ta. physically getting weaker by the day but mentally as good as always! i am writing a book! left handed one finger typing means it will take a while but have got a real,professional writer to check it over for me and can access help with publishing. did u see my post re butterfly etc? thats what promted me to get it started before its too late…

http://www.mssociety.org.uk/forum/everyday-living/diving-bell-and-butterfly-not-ms-could-be

take care unique one…

e x

Thanks Steve - l don’t know how you do it. Clever boy.

F,I didn’t want to hijack the other post,but I must ask about the incident with the PJs and the ducks.What do you think frightened them most? The drop in standards or the slinky leopard Lady looking for her breakfast?

S x <(L)>…now ,that’s not clever either

l opened up the pophole door - and as soon as they saw the leopard print - they either thought l was a predator - or maybe Bet Lynch. But they went quackers!!

Bet Lynch hey!!! There’s a blast from everybodys’ past.I’ll forgive you for Quackers,if you’ll allow me to say.“I hope this doesn’t mean our banter is taking a Tern for the worst.”

Wb x