minding my own business?

A close relative with m.s. is gradually getting worse but seems not to acknowledge that she is worsening.

She never grumbles about mobility problems etc.

Should I tackle her about this - she is overweight and does no exercise - or is it better to say nothing?

It’s likely that she knows she’s overweight, our doctors, practice nurses, specialist nurses, physiotherapists and everybody including random strangers let us know. The longer you’re overweight the more you know about diets (because everyone tells us about them) from the cabbage diet/the plan/the Atkins diet/slim fast/slimming world and weight watchers just for a start. We’re experts! We see our waistlines expanding and feels like monsters when our favourite clothes stop fitting, our health starts to prevent physical activity more and more. Rather than being one more person to tell her she’s overweight how about helping her to lose weight by taking her out socially somewhere regularly a local park or garden or going swimming with her regularly or going out for a healthy lunch regularly! No, just be another one to add to the list!


(O P here) what concerns me is that my close relative doesn’t seem to acknowledge that she is gradually becoming increasingly disabled. If she did I think she may do a little more exercising or lose weight which would help.

Or am I being too harsh?

I prefer it when people keep their opinions on my lifestyle choices to themselves - unless they have come up with a cure for MS, in which case I would be delighted to hear from them.



You are concerned but unfortunately your close relative could be deeply offended by you - I’ve had a lot of insults down the years but they are not walking in my shoes or injecting themselves and a cocktail of tablets everyday - tough one

If you are concerned about her ability to care for herself and can offer to do things for her, like mow her yard or drive her to doctor’s appointments, then that’s one thing. But unless she’s developing dementia then she is very aware that her condition is getting worse.

If it’s just her weight that’s bothering you, my opinion is “oh, well”. It has to be understood that many of us with MS have lost the ability to exercise. I’ve gained weight since I quit work, have to limit my physical activities, and have no intention of not eating or putting myself through the misery of trying to eat “healthy” foods that cost too much or don’t taste good to me. The MS is what led to my weight gain, and pointing it out isn’t going to do anything but make me feel bad.

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Hi Anon guess many folk feel like me…we do know being overweight wont help our health…but sadly MS is bigger and we know it. Bouds

How do you know she is getting worse? It seems i am and no one has noticed. at least you have noticed.

as others have said offer to take her out she may be depressed I know i am. she may have given up and thinks oh S…d it. whats the point of trying.

depression comes in many forms.

I am not overweight. I eat uber healthy. i think why do i bother. really whats the point? staying a good weight has done NOTHING FOR me. I am still progressing.

Might as well enjoy your life, maybe she just thinks that way.


You shouldn’t judge her and talk about it all over the forum. If you notice that she is gaining weight, you should say so gently as possible to not offend her. Ultimately, if it’s comfortable for her, take care of yourself and don’t give her any advice until she asks for it herself, okay? After the pandemic took my business away from me, from the stress, I gained over 30 pounds in a month, and I only managed to lose weight after I rebuilt my busines((removed by moderator) . There is always a reason for being overweight.