Hi, I’m Elsa, I was diagnosed with RRMS in 2010 but I’d been having symptoms for about 13 years before my diagnosis. I’ve been working when things are good and trying to be me when things are not. I had a relapse in Feb last year, a real shocker, went to bed and woke up pretty much numb and paralysed on my left side.
Lots of physio and determination and I’m doing ok. Knackered, slow and I stagger a fair bit. But, on the whole ok. I started a new part time job last summer, tutoring online. Its really good, I do love it but as well as that I’m trying to go to the gym to keep myself on track. Running the house, (both adult kids are home at the moment) being a productive person. and to be honest I’m flipping knackered.
I spend all my time chasing my tail, dragging myself around in some sort of semiconscious daze. individually I love all the elements of my life but when you combine them all together its to much. I want to feel joy in everything, I want to enjoy everything I do, but I’m literally to tired to enjoy any of it, I don’t know what to do, how to solve it. Is it solvable? I suppose I’m looking for some honesty from people that know. I’m looking for reality. At the moment I just feel like I’m wasting time trying to do everything and achieving very little. Any advice would be really appreciated. I hope you’re all doing ok. Thanks for your time. E x
We are all inclined to try to act like MS is our problem to deal with and count it as a success when our MS does not inconvenience anyone else, be they bosses or family members. But in truth it always a team effort that requires uncomfortable swallowing of pride and asking for and accepting help from those around us. Might you find some scope there? I’m not saying your kids/OH are going to be wildly enthusiastic - and why would they be if they’re used to you doing the lion’s share on the home front? But you’re all grown-ups now, and review, renegotiation and collaborative working is what grown-ups do. You might find that your own self-image as the coper is the biggest hurdle.
I’m guessing here, obviously, and might be wildly wide of the mark, in which case my apologies,
Thank you, you’re absolutely right, I do see myself (and they see me as the coper)I keep going because its my way of showing my love & that I’m an important part of the family and they ignore it all somewhat because its easier. I’m going to have to work on me and my perception of me. Thank you your words gave me food for thought. I appreciate your reply. Have a good day. E x
Hi there,
Personally, I take comfort in hearing all the clichés: I have MS but MS doesn’t have me - Positive Mental Attitude - One step at a time - It could be worse - You won’t die of MS you’ll die of something else (sorry bit macabre) - Always look on the bright side of life - etc.
Hang in there Elsa and best.