Hiya,
I was diagnosed in december and then had a pseudo relapse in january, which was a bit frustrating because a lot of people said “you’re probably just thinking everything is MS” but I wrote to my neurologist and he said it was likelly that it actually had been inflamed by a cold I had, I was off balance - that whole “walking like your drunk” thing and I fell down the stairs a couple of times.
I think that especially after a new diagnosis its common to be thinking about it all the time, I’ve struggled quite a bit with trying to work out what’s what. I think it’s also really difficult to suddenly be very aware of your body and have to monitor it. In my opinion; put yourself first, I’ve developed a bit of a complex about “looking weak”, I don’t know if thats the same kind of thing you’re finding with being reluctant to visit your doctor? But I’d reccommend going with your gut, also I find that stress irritates my MS so if you share this, maybe its best to get some peace of mind.
I also have a slightly arrogant attitude (which i’ll excuse with being 18) its what your doctor’s paid to do. I used to work in a shop and if someone came up to me and said “can i have this in another size” i wouldnt say “are you sure you need that in another size? maybe you’re imagining it? and can’t you see I’m oh so busy with all these other people who really do need another size!”
kind of a stupid analogy but its how i get over worrying about looking stupid because im saying “sorry to interupt, i think theres maybe something wrong ish”.
i also spent four years going to doctors and telling them there was something wrong with my brain, and their response was to put me on a new contraceptive pill haha, so I’m gonna just go with the sisterhood power approach and say; do whats good for you, naughty word everyone else for a minute, because its your life and your disease and you decide how much you want to talk or think about it, not your doctors rota.
HOWEVER, theres this thing which my mum calls “adjusting your wellness standard” like when someone asks a healthy 25 year old if they’re okay and they say yes, its different to asking an 80 year old if they’re okay and getting the same answer. because the 80 year old probably gets tired quicker and has aches and pains but they have “adjusted their wellness standard” because they feel like that everyday, but on a bad day they might have a cold on top of all that.
that, for me, is what to aim for, to have adjusted to the idea that i may not be as healthy as my other spring chicken friends, but most days im doing pretty okay and if im having a bad day, to be aware of it and think about what might have caused it, and if it worries me, talking about it, rather than thinking “i dont deserve to question this, im just stuck with it” cause thats horse… raddish.
sorry if this is more of a rant than it is helpful,
in short, i empathise with what your going through, and im sorry that its happening to you, and wish you all the best in working out / through your symptoms
Han xxx
hope this has helped a bit