How can I go on?

Sorry - ‘Ill-Health Retirement’. When the pension scheme of which you are a contributing member has a provision for what happens when your health breaks down permanently and your employment ends on those grounds. Typically it will mean early pension based on your accrued pensionable service plus a calculation based on the pensionable service you would have accrued had you continued to work. I don’t know much about how the public sector schemes work beyond being confident that they all have provisions along these lines, and there are plenty of folks on here who know the details.

If you have not yet done so, I would suggest contacting your pension people to find out where you stand and what terms you might get if you were to go down that route some time in the future.


Hi Tingly glad to hear your becoming more positive. I have RRMS about 5 years now but perhaps a lot longer as it lies dormant in our systems for years before. The key for me is positivity which I get from my wife. We still both work full time and try to rally our spirits as much as possible. On the bad days when I feel wreched I think of the better ones. In 2019 I am going to start going again to my local gym as maintaining ur flexibility is important and also going to focus in on a better diet which many also think is key. Also ask your GP to refer you to a good MS Nurse as they can also be motivating. MS support groups may also be helpful as long as you don’t get too depressed listening to other members negative experiences. Good luck for 2019.

Thanks, I know what you mean now. I’ll speak to work and see what they say about it.

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Hi Tingly Badger, (Jen, snap!)

Been reading this thread with interest. (used to be able to touch type, but left hand won’t cooperate now so short answers)

I don’t think any of us fully accept our diagnosis and we almost grieve for the life we had. Somehow we have to carry on as best we can. I always plan something to look forward to, friends round for coffee, visit to a museum etc. Keeps me going fro week to week.

Glad you’ve found this site as lots of good advice.


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Jen / tingly

I worked in a large company and found that some line managers were brilliant and supportive, whilst others were not.

If you can find the right advocate to support Ill health early retirement it can be a great backstop after any adaptions to keep you productively in work are exhausted.

I was diagnosed in 1991, kept working normally (except during relapses) until 2006 when we had to change my role to deal with my new limitations, which kept me employed until 2010 when the IHER button was pressed.

Good luck M


I do Pilates, I have a personal trainer who I see every week, and I do physio exercises in the pool with a friend who has MS every week or two. I try and stay as active as I can. Not easy though! Apparently someone went up to my personal trainer in the gym the other week and said I was an inspiration. Don’t see many penne in the gym with a rollator. I have got MS nurse details but as I said in my first post, they haven’t been there for me recently. In 2019 I want something to enjoy and that is what I shall aim for. Ps diet is a bone of contention in the MS community but I can highly recommend the Auto Immune Protocol by Dr Sarah Ballantyne. It’s a very scientific approach and I found it made a huge difference to me when I tried it.I like how she explains the science behind food choices - a lot of diets seem to be based on not a lot.

Can I ask about your username? Do you have rats? I have two boys and they are my favorite things.

Also, I use dictation software called Dragon… You can speak and it types. Revolutionised my life.

Hello again Jen

I’m glad you are seeming a bit more positive.

And really happy that you do in fact have a man who you love and (it sounds like) loves you too. Maybe he just isn’t good at reassurance and sweet words. But if you feel loved, then sweet words are only extras, they help a bit when you’re down, but don’t really cure depression.

You can always take the antidepressants for a few months, then try coming off them again. If you found that the pills you were on killed your sex drive, then maybe ask your GP for something different.

Anyway, you can’t really go anywhere too final, pet rats are for life not just for Christmas.


Oh my boys, menaces but I love them. Except when they are chewing holes in my trousers. Your right is all about actions and he does a lot for me. I wish I could even it up a bit. Will speak to GP and see if I can have a different one. SSRIs kill sex drive and I think most anti depressants are the same.

Hiya Jen, great to see your back messaging! Was getting worried for a moment! Jim

Hi Tingly_Badger,

My private messages are not going through to you at the moment - Will keep on trying. xx

hi tingly (jen) badger it’s really good to read that you are more positive. i’m sure that you will find a way to happy. thanks for updating us.

It’s heartening to see so many positive posts. Jen you may feel the world has ended for you ,but after 38 years of MS it’s still possible to live life albeit in a different way. How many times have I felt it wasn’t worth going on but the alternative is not an option. I am glad to see you have made the first step. I just recently had an unreserved apology from the hospital and a change in their practices as the result of poor care. Get in touch with your consultants Secretary and see what they can do to get you seen . If nothing happens if they don’t take it seriously just get that complaint in. I bypassed PALS and went direct. New Year for me was always a sad time where I grieved my losses. Now I celebrate I am still here. I wouldn’t have seen my grandchildren. They would never have known me. I can’t do much and am in bed most of the time now. But I am teaching the eldest French. I have been married 43 years and we have had to work hard at times to keep it together. It’s hard going but don’t give up is all.I have to add. Life can be lonely at times but you have friends here and I will have hung on to about 4 at my age. my first friends from my nursing days . I have long term other friends I have never met We play scrabble and you know people know me even if I don’t know them. I managed a rare family the pub today and neither of us go but they knew of me and were so kind. Asking how we both were. It’s a team effort. Sometimes it’s so hard but the small things make life better and you are strong so get people kicked into touch. All the best for the new year and start making some baby steps to set you on the road. Hugs from me and remember you always have friends here xxx

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Does it matter whether he is a husband or a partner, i dont know i just sumised. i have a dog and would never leave her alone either, she is my life and support line. is your mum alone then you dont mention a father did she loose your father, is she a widow. Maybe she has her own demons to deal with. My mum was 93 and would never accept i was ill. she would get upset if i said i couldnt see her when i said I would. she lived nearly an hour away. Italian, as far as she was concerned she was strong and never got my illness sadly. My dad when he died left a stair lift in the house. when i visited my mother she wouldnt let me use it to go upstairs. I had to struggle to go upstairs. she was set in her ways. I had to accept that. when i lost her in 2016 i thought i would die she left a huge hole in my heart.

Life isnt easy. with or without MS. You tried with your mum she isnt forthcoming obviously has her own reasons for being like that, i dont know i cant answer you i am afraid. I just try to reach out to a stranger in need.

I have no idea what looks sexy anymore lol. You mentioned having to pee in a nappy, i was giving you an alternative. cant your remove a catheter before sex? I didnt have sex with my hubby for years before he died not because of my illness but because of his. I had to respect that. when i lost all ,my teeth because of a weird autoimmune issue, my hubby wasnt bothered he said he loved me for who i am.

As to counselling maybe your just not ready for it. it doesnt always work. sometimes we have to want to feel better. I get the feeling you dont believe in it some how. You seem a very strong person to me and maybe just cant stand being out of control or not in control of situations. I have no idea. I dont know you. When we answer we can only sumise.

you say you love your partner and are very happy and would never leave so cant see the issue to be honest. the issue really is you came off antidepressants which obviously you needed. did you come off them by yourself? I think from your more recent posts you really need them.

I am really glad you are more positive in your attitude. its great to see.

Its hard this disease. I never thought i would be on my own at 67, loosing my mum 2016, then my hubby in 2017, and since then pain, pain pain. I often wonder what is the point to it all. I am moving into sheltered on saturday a huge leap from my beloved home i bought with my beloved its tearing me apart to be honest. But i will always have time to help someone in need.

its a new start for me.

I really hope you can find your path and the strength to deal with everything. I love rats by the way, my daughter used to have them. we had a pet one called creamy. when my daughter came home from school i would let creamy out the cage and she would run downstairs as soon as she heard her masters voice, up her leg and snuggle in her hair. it was true friendship. we all cried when creamy passed 3 years later.

Have a good new year. I sincerely hope its a better one for a lot of us.

Happy New Year Jen and to all here.