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Feel like my life is over

Thank you so much everybody.

It is very reassuring to know that you’ve all struggled like me and that I’m not the only one who feels/has felt like this.

You’ve given me lots of ideas and tips and I’m determined to make the effort to try and make the best of a proper crappy situation

Dawn x

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Dan,

Thanks for this very practical advice. The idea of learning something new really appeals, as for learning to fly…that would be incredible.

I think I’m definitely in mourning which kind of makes it easier to rationalise.

Dawn

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i do ok with finding things to do.

today i’m still in pj’s because the thing i found to do yesterday was go to the pub with hubby and get drunk.

shameful but fun

today i will be avoiding doing things!

carole x

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just see how many replies youve got Rosie. Youre never going through crap alone!

pollsx

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Hi [albrecht durer] Anthony,

I suppose you do classical oils?

I’m just learning about Munsell/Reilly colour mixing methods for oils:

​The basics at the moment - it would be nice to socialise.

Art classes seem to be a good way of chatting

about a shared interest.

You must tell us about your painting classes.

Fay

[quote=“he_funk”]

Hey Dawn

If it’s any consolation, so many of us can relate to what you’re feeling, we’ve all been through it. This may not help much, but time is a great healer. It takes time to grieve the loss of your old life. You may find you experience some of the stages of grief - denial, anger, depression (I definitely did!). The final stage of grief is acceptance. That doesn’t mean liking what’s happened, but it does mean you can begin to rebuild your life & move on. I know you said you don’t see how counselling will help, but a good counsellor can help you process your feeling, and help you to move on.

It might be worth getting in touch with your local MS Society branch, as there may be groups that meet in your area. If you fancy learning something with your days, I recommend the futurelearn.com website, They have tons of online courses on all kinds of topics, and delivered by different universities (I’m currently doing one from the Met Office on how to understand the weather). And something to consider & put on the back burner is applying to the charity Flying Scholarships for Disabled People. They do exactly what the name suggests - give scholarships for disabled people to learn to fly. Don’t dismiss it because you’ve never wanted to fly or think you couldn’t do it. Generally, when people apply it’s because they’ve lost confidence since becoming disabled & feel like their life is over. I was lucky enough to do it a couple years ago. It was an incredible experience, and really built my confidence. Message me if you (or amyone else) wants to know more. http://www.fsdp.co.uk/

Dan

[/quote] Thankx Dan, for that linkyes bookit list bookit list bookit list,

I wont sleep tonight!! wink, juju.

Dawn, Juju, you should definitely apply. I never thought I could do anything like fly a plane. I didn’t even really understand how planes flew before applying :slight_smile:

It’s a pretty intense experience, as it’s done as a residential - 2 weeks learning, then a week off, followed by another 2 weeks. In that time I did about 25 hours of flying. And out of that, I managed 4 sole flights - no one in the plane but me. The idea of flying solo terrified me when I started learning. But the feeling after my first solo was incredible, I was on such a high! I even got to meet Bruce Dickinson (lead singer of Iron Maiden) and His Royal Highness Prince Faisal of the Jordanian royal family, as they’re both patrons of the charity. There’s a presentation every year for the scholars at the Royal International Air Tattoo, and going to that is a treat, getting to see things like the Red Arrows, who are amazing! I’m much more confident in myself, and more confident in God being able to help me do the impossible :slight_smile:

Dan

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Let us look at it this way Rosie11, if you just retired what would you be doing? Having MS is a challenge oh yes lol. I used to teach hello, my name is Rosie too lol.

One day i was teaching I.T. in further education 2006, i also ran the departments and 11 learning satellite centres, had 54 tutors to deal with, wrote all the procedures and all put in place all the qualifications for I.T. including ECDL etc. I loved my job for 8 years, probably hitting 70 hours a week, writing resources and marking work lol. I had so much energy like one of those bunnies on the telly advertising batteries.

Then September 11th, 2006 i couldn’t get out of bed, and my life changed.

Right now your grieving for all the things you have lost. It is no different then dealing with loosing someone you loved, you have lost part of yourself to a disease. It does sound as you have people to see, and you can go out. I think your probably more lonely at night when all is quiet in the house. The time when you want to share things with people so what you need to try and do is fill your life with stuff in the day.

We put barriers down we do. I cant go out i am too tired, I cant go out, where would i go, I cant go out i have no one to go and see etc etc…we have a Monkey Chatter in our brain who tells us constantly what we can or cannot do. It is very negative this monkey but it is very communicative and we listen to it, all the time, and it persuades us, we are disabled therefore our lives are over, so whats the point in bothering?

So you have to sit down and think ok, what did i do? What are my skills I bet you have loads being a teacher. Where could i be useful, do i have enough energy to be supportive on line? Could I join some clubs to meet new people? Maybe i could start a coffee club at my house for disabled people… the sky is the limit.

What would you say to a student if they were faced in the same situation for example?

Being suddenly disabled is hard its acceptance of it. I bet you like a challenge so I challenge you to find a way to live with your disability and have a life.

Where does one start?

Hummm well first thing is fatigue is your main issue, so if you can afford it, buy yourself a scooter. You can go out most days to the shops or even join a few classes at college. Why not?

Do you still drive? Take a day and go have a pamper, nails hair etc, if you find that to tiring than grab the yellow pages and find someone who does it mobile. I did, i have my hair and nails done at home. Fancy a message (now keep it clean lol), you can even have one of those at home lol…why not.

Cinema, its not tiring pop there and go watch a film, in the day how decadant is that lol…maybe take your mum out for lunch, or friends you must have them.

Look at the positives of not working. Not having to get up early, no more marking, running around like a looney tune, you can just relax and breath, have time to sit in the garden enjoying a cup of coffee bliss. I decided actually if MS hadnt got me a stroke would have as at one point my blood pressure whilst working was 215/115 lol…oops.

So what else can you do, well you could even make a facebook group for teachers with a disability etc, or teachers with MS, or support on here.

what skills do you have? did you teach literacy and numercy, have you thought of having a few private pupils to help them get through exams, who can come to you?

Look at all the positives in your life there will be loads, and all the things you did.

OK we are disabled, but we can still have a life you can even meet someone new oh yes you can, and get married oh yes you can, you have MS, it doesnt define who you are, you tell it to bog off, and you are gong to challenge it, as it has no right to tell you what to do with your life only you have that. LIFT the barrier of your grief, you have started because you have posted about it, one step at a time. I can guarantee in six months time you will be a new women.

A lot of places now have evening clubs for friends who can just get together not a singles club but a place where people can just join and chat and have a laugh, my friend joined one and met her second husband at one. Make new friends.

Why not ask your ex to meet his girlfriend, have them over for sunday lunch and enjoy their company, why not, you might find she is a really nice person and you can have a new friend.

You have time now to do all those things you wanted to do but never could. Set yourself little challenges, and become a new women who is a viking and no illness is going to stop you. Find that person who used to keep a class of students under control and get back your life.

Go on you know you want too. Remember baby steps, grieve, shout, scream, rant rave, then get even with it, tell your monkey chatter to bog off, your now back in charge. xxxxxxx

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Brilliant post

Mick

Anon. I am at the same stage. Adapting is hard. I’m often tearful, but I’ve put faith in getting a powerchair

to give me more control and independence. Folk say they make a difference. I’ve yet to find out.

Have you got a powerchair yet?

TBH, I don’t particularly like the look of powerchairs - they look utilitarian - but I am past caring about aesthetics.

I am going to get the most out of my powerchair - when it arrives. Got another appointment at the end of May.

Wheelchair Services will call with one of those 6 wheeled ones - the Quickie Salsa M2 for narrow corridors.

Thunderbirds are go!

Hopefully.

Fay

Quickie Salsa M2 ES

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that looks like an impressive piece of equipment.

Nice one

Mick

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why this push for the OP ‘to do something positive’ - to ‘accept’ feelings of anger, grieving, acceptance etc ?’

The danger with this ‘advice’ is you can make someone feel even lower that they did before because you imply that they can overcome things in the same way as you have done and if they don’t suddenly become all-singing all dancing then they are failing.

To the OP I would say that your life isn’t over but is certainly isn’t going to be as good as it would have been had you not got m.s.

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I can’t see the point of manual chairs - you get all hot, sweaty, exhausted and strain injuries.

I’m learning all I can about powerchairs.

This Salsa one seems more for home and urban setting, but since I am rural I think I will

need something that can go off-road up bridle paths. I will need one for home, and one for out and about.

My arms are too weak for a scooter, so it will have to be more like the Ottobock 400 or Puma 40.

You are not alone - few people can adjust their feelings to order. So don’t waste too much time banging your head against that brick wall. Counselling can do some good despite this sad fact, believe it or not, but don’t ask me how it gets around the barrier because I can’t explain it. Maybe it is something about creating more space for thoughts that have got stuck in a sad groove, hemmed in all around by unhappy circumstance? Oh, I don’t know. It sounds like cobblers when I try to explain so I won’t bore you further. Look: counselling really helped me, and I didn’t think it would either.

Alison

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It works because you are talking to someone that you don’t know. You can unload your fears, feelings & not run the risk of hurting those close to you. Trying to cover up problems round friends, family etc just wells up inside. A lay person can take all your hurt, anger & general unhappiness of the whole situation. They wont judge or make you think that you are just moaning. It is good to get all that out, it’s a shit place to be & you need an outlet. The problem with not relating anything is you tend to withdraw into yourself, making things all the harder to cope with. It’s not cobblers what you’ve said Alison, you make perfect sense. Counsellors are trained & believe me, you can’t shock them. Try to see 1, they really are worth a go xx

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if ever there was a thread possibly doing more harm than good then this is the one.

m.s. ****** up my life - things have been a massive challenge ever since I got dx’d - life is harder than it would have been had I not got m.s. — I could go on!

reading messages from people who have coped and moved forward isn’t helping at all.

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krakowian - I don’t get that impression: “who have coped and moved forward”

More like - small changes to make life more tolerable. I find being, mostly, home alone hard.

I’m trying to change this situation.

What small changes or big ones would make life better for you?

There must be something.

Fay

Dawn,

There is no right or wrong way to deal with MS, there is only your way. All of us here, have had to face our own personal demons. It may take a little while for you to find your particular way through this quagmire of a of disease, grab on to what helps you survive, fight with all your strength, and live every second of every minute as best as you possibly can.

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I empathise with krakowian and do hope for something positive to help him/her through what is obviously one of those terrible periods which I’m sure we all have, where everything does seem hopeless. I think everyone puts as much effort as they possibly can into living with MS and trying to make life better. Positivity is fine, but it would also be fine, and reassuring to anyone in a similar position, if someone said they’d tried mindfulness, physiotherapy, special diets and supplements and yet - still the horrendous pain and spasticity cuts through - still parts of the body are turning to lead and still … lots of other horrible symptoms or effects of MS which other people have … and I can’t even imagine. At first, I think we naturally expect the doctors to have the answers … then to start reading that no, maybe they don’t, but there are thousands of other things out there you can try … if you research it all well - you’re tired by the time you’ve proven your case and gained your dx, and eventually- it’s like information overload and it does your head in … as they say! chris

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I have a mini powerchair i got it off betterlife, its great i can take it out in our kangoo, and use it around the house Fay.

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