Essex has just been twinned with Las Vegas…they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips!
Lol!!! Lol!!! Lol!!!
Thank you so much to all my lovely friends here who have cheered me up so much. Thank you with all my heart!!
I’ve definitely cheered up reading all these jokes but I’ve got a stomach ache now from laughimg!!
One More Joke:
Murphy walks into a pub with his family and goes to the bar and asks for a Pint of lager and 3 pints of Guinness, The barman asks if he would like a tray and Murphy says " DON’T YOU THINK I HAVE ENOUGH TO CARRY?"
Take care and be happy!
Shazzie xx
HA HA, AN WHO SAYS US MSESSERS DONT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR, NICE ONE GUYS ! Carmel x
I walked into my mum’s bedroom and under the bed I saw a suitcase half open. My curiosity got the better of me so I opened the case, in it was a leather mask, a leather cape, crutchless leather shorts and a leather whip…I couldn’t believe it my mum … A super Hero!!
The wife was counting all the 5p and 10p coins out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.”
Local Police are hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the bottom in the last 48 hours; they think he could be following some kind of pattern.
Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it.
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says, “Oh, I forgot to tell you: today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”
And one for Wimbledon:
Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
Boom, boom Lolli xx
What’s brown and sticky? A stick! Xx
“Doctor doctor, I’ve got haemorrhoids”.
Terribly sorry to hear that old chap. Take this cream and come back in a week.
A week later.
Doctor - So how are things today?
"That cream tasted f awful. For all the good it’s done me, I might as well have stuffed it up my a***.
What did the slug say to the snail?
Want to buy a Big Issue?
I’ve really enjoyed reading all of these.
Keep cool.
Shazzie xx
full of school kids and the teacher ask if any of them can explain the word “Contagious”
wee Peter at the front put his hand up and say, My Mum told me to stay away from people with Chicken Pox as this is Contagious and i may catch it from them.
Steve in the middle put his hand up and says, my Mum told me to the the common cold is Contagious and you can catch this from others if you dont wash you hands and keep them clean.
The teacher tells them well done thats both correct and asks if anyone else knows
Little Billy at the back of the class puts his hand up and says, my dad and me were coming out our house yesterday and the neighbour was painting his House with a 1 inch paint brush and my dad told me that , that will take that C**t ages!!!
Teacher not impressed!!! LOL