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don't know what to do

Hi, i was diagnosed with MS when i was 36 weeks pregnant i was so scared till the end of my pregnancy in case more things went wrong. Since then (10 months later) i have blamed my son although i know its not his,fault. My husband hardly spends time with us and i just feel like giving up with everything. I am always so tired and stressed and am having trouble with my in laws. None of mine or my husbands family know i have MS. I think i have just about had enough. Dnt know what to do

Hi Anon, sounds like you are going through a very hard time hon… but I wonder why you haven’t told your family or your husband’s that you have MS?

I’m going to be a bit blunt here… so deep breath… it sounds to me that neither you nor your husband have actually accepted the fact that you have MS. Until you do that and tell the family things are not going to get easier.

So what I would recommend is sitting down with your husband and talking about how you feel and then tell him that you are going to tell both of your families. Why keep it a secret? It’s not your fault that you’ve got MS… it’s nobody’s fault… not your sons either. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or secretive about. You need support NOT silence!

You need to pull together and face the future together. Your husband is not spending time with you because he can’t face the fact that you have MS. Every time he looks at you he is reminded of the ‘secret’. You really really need to come to terms with this. Both of you!!!

Might be a good idea to see your GP both to ask for counselling and to ask for something to help you through this… lots of us with MS take antidepressants. They really help!

Have you been told you have PPMS?

Hope this helps… if only to get you to tell people!

Pat x

Hi, every new mum gets knackered, worn out and finds life difficult. So add MS to the pot and you`ve got more than double trouble.

Also, new mums usually have mums and in laws of their own, who invariably want to do their bit to help with new babies.

So why not tell them and be glad of their help. Your hubby may be terrified of saying/doing the wrong thing, so he keeps out of the way.

It is such a shame that you and your husband are finding this time, which should be joyous, so difficult. You`ll never be able to get these days back.

Now do you think you just may be suffering from post natal depression?

Why not see your GP for a frank and open chat, eh?

I do hope you can manage to get things on a more even keel, especially as it is baby`s first Christmas.

luv Pollx

Hi anon

Make life so much easier on yourself and share the load! You are amazing to have kept on going up to now but you need a break and to have some support :slight_smile:

Please do speak to your GP at the very least, it takes time to get a grip on MS let along with a baby on your hands (and it’ll be a rotten shame if you miss so many of your son’s first months because you are coping with so much stress.

hugs

Sonia x

Anon you really have your hands full. Please take the advice and see your GP. They can assess whether you have depression. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, in fact many women suffer from it after birth, they call it Post Partum Depression. Add that to MS which can also cause it, you’ve got the odds stacked against you.

I also think you need to share the information and the fact that you feel you’re not coping with family. You’d be surprised how much their support, and that of friends can be. Keeping that secret is not making you look strong or capable. Do you really think they haven’t noticed and worry about you?

I know I’m not alone when I say that they are all worth their weight in gold with the support they give. Another quick thing, have you been referred to an Occupational Therapist? They can really help with getting you help, that’s where their expertise lies. If not you can self refer. Mine has done so much and made day to day living so much easier.

Please seek help before you burn out, your family, especially baby need you.

Cath xx

By the way we’re not bullying you, we are all trying to help. Please let us know how you get on.

Hi all thank you for ur advice. i am a pakistani gal. The reason i haven’t told my family that i have MS is because there is just too much going on and they wont understand. To be honest at first i was in denial bit in not anymore i am just finding everything difficult. My son had heart surgery when he was 7 months old. I dnt feel that i can talk to my GP as i find that they just dnt care. I dnt think i have depression just the odds stacked.against me and i cnt find a way out. My in laws aren’t particularly nice to me either and i live with them

Anon, I’m so sorry to hear all this. Very very hard for you.

Is there a Pakistani women’s group in your area? Or perhaps one female relative or friend you can confide in?

Come on here as much as you want hon… and least you can share with us.

Take care and please do think about talking to someone,

Pat x

Hi again Anon, I know the Asian forum on here isn’t very busy… but there is actually an Asian group with it’s own helpline, newsletters etc and I’m thinking it might be useful for you.

There is info and an email address to join on this link:

http://www.mssociety.org.uk/ms-support/support-groups/asian-ms

Please don’t think this means you are not welcome on here… you are most welcome… but the group might offer you extra support.

Pat x

Oh Anon it’s true, you really need someone you can trust and talk to. I now understand why the family situation might be difficult but we all need a confidante. We’ll try to help and be here for support but please consider what’s been suggested.

Take care and look after yourself. Cath xx

Aww,thank you all. Because of everything that has happened in my life i find it hard to trust anyone. Pat thank you for the link to the Asian group. I find it hard to talk to someone about my problems face to face. In this last year i had even thought about ending my life due to all the pressure and stress. But i no that that would be selfish of me for my child husband and family.

Anon please don’t even think about that again. Just remember there’s always someone to vent to on here, we all do it. You took a huge step posting, well done. Now you’ve done it and got what I hope is a positive response you know we’re here for you. You don’t have to stay on the Asian site.

Cath xx

Hi Azngal, I agree with Cath… remember we are all here for you & it was a huge step posting.

You know there have been times in my life when I’ve thought about ending it, and I look back now and am SO glad I didn’t do it! Because everything changed eventually. It’s one thing that you absolutely can rely on… everything will change!

You are still a young woman… you never know what will happen, so you hang on in there. Your life is so precious.

Pat xx

Me three, so glad you are opening up and talking here, it must have been so tough feeling you were on your own :frowning:

Pat’s right, your life is precious and you WILL find a way to live with MS. The way I look at it, it makes my life tougher but it won’t simply defeat me because it is not a death sentence. You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger AND you are so strong to have coped with so much and mostly on your own :slight_smile:

I hope you feel that there is support here and you are not on your own

Sonia xx

I agree, you are strong cos you have opened up to us, so take that as a positive, and please remember we are all here to listen and offer advice when we can, cos your life is so precious.

Getting things off your chest will make you feel happier I am sure.

Pam x

Thank you ladies it feels like i can finally open up and talk to those who can understand what i am going through

Azngal you are not alone, we all have ups and downs and are here to help and support each other. Take care of yourself xx

What shud i do if things get too much?

Hi azngal, I’m so sorry to read of your struggles…you have done remarkably well to cope. I hope that things don’t get too much for you but if they do you know you can always come on here and we will all be here to support you. If you feel you need to talk to someone urgently there is always the MS society help line (0808 800 8000) unfortunately they are closed today but it’s their suggestion if anyone needs emotional support whilst they are not available to phone the Samaritans (0845 909090). I hope that nothing has happened to make matters worse for you. notice that Pat and some of the others have suggested that maybe you could see your GP with a view to asking about anti depressants. This really would help. Wishing you a better weekend, give your little boy a cuddle and remember how much he needs you. Nina x

Nina has given you fantastic advice darling. Please call one of the numbers and speak to someone… or the number on the Asian link I gave you.

You are a member of our gang now darling. Don’t you dare go and hurt yourself. OK?

We are all here… remember that sweetheart… you are not alone.

Pat x

You have been given wonderful advice azngal, please do take it on board. Although things are hard atm - you will find that they do get easier. Use this forum to air how you feel it will help and we are all happy to listen. It certainly got me through when I was first diagnosed! The MS Soc helpline is a great place to go if you’re feeling really low! Stay in touch and try to get things out in the open with your hubby. It will help! Wishing you well and thinking of you. Stay in touch! Teresa xx