Just had a thought. Don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I was adopted at the age of six weeks- always known and it’s never bothered me. The only thing I knew about my biological mother was she was a teenager (15/16) and unmarried, and back in the sixties that just wasn’t done, so I understood why she had to give me up for adoption, However, when I was a young teenager, spent a lot of time thinking about who my birth parents might have been - and worked out who would have been in the right place/time,and what I might have got from them. When I chose the cello as my instrument to learn at school, and did quite well with it, I decided that I was the unlikely love child of Jacqueline Du Pre and Marc Bolan… how cool is that! Don’t know exactly who I am - so I can be anyone I please.
Brilliant. What great biological parents you had. I can’t imagine how Marc Bolan ended up in bed with Jacqueline du Pre (timing, age, sexuality, um). But your genetic predisposition to MS probably came from her!
I’d like some biological parents like that. Only I didn’t have the luck (good or bad) to have been adopted. I wish I had, my family are all a bit (maybe quite a lot) mental. And everyone’s a bit ‘Autoimmuney’ too. (Someone on here used that word, or something like it and I was rather impressed by it.)
Sue
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great choice of birth parents!
Marc Bolan was mine (because i decided at the age of 11) Jacqueline Du Pre because you shared a talent for playing the cello.
well done you!
All quite logical really… unlikely, granted, but no-one can prove that I’m not!! Had the OK from my adopted folks to look for my birth mother if I wanted, but decided against long ago… I have more than enough to take on with the family I’ve got, never mind going to look for more of 'em! And a kick in the teeth for my folks… “Sorry, you’re not good enough, I want some different parents!” Birth Mother would be approaching seventy now and doesn’t need me gatecrashing the party… she may well have a life and a family of her own - who she may not have told about the mistake when she was a daft teenager! I’m not going looking, although she’s welcome to come and find me if she wants…
helped a friend who had been adopted to find his birth mother - he contacted her and she invited him to visit her - she then contacted him a few days later and told him she wanted no further contact with him !!
another friend adopted as a baby - got married - adopted two children. The friend was one of the few people I’ve met who had no access to any birth relative.
should have said …no access to any blood relative.
Jacqueline and Marc and your adoptive parents between them seem to have produced a very well-balanced and resilient person. 
One of my aunts had a baby adopted who was born a few weeks before or after me (I can’t remember now which it was). She was only young herself and I don’t think ever regretted the adoption. Nor did she want to be in touch with that child.
I’ve always wanted to know my cousin. In my head we’d have been closer than sisters, being so close in age. We were best friends all our lives (in my head). It’s a bit like choosing your biological parents. I had a mythical cousin who was perfect (in my head). I always wanted a sister.
Just recently my best friend and I have decided that as we both always wanted a sister and we love each other as if we were, we’ve adopted each other. We now refer to each other as Sis or Sister and end our weekly Zoom calls with ‘love you’!
I think you were immensely lucky Fracastorius to have such amazing parents. I suspect your birth mother did you an enormous favour by having you adopted.
Sue
This kind of reaction was another thing that put me off the idea of finding birth mother… if I did find her, meet her and didn’t get on with her/wasn’t impressed… that’s a big decision that can’t be undone and a risk that I’m not willing to take!
Thanks! I’m not convinced I’m that well balanced, but I do know I’m resilient and strong, apart from odd SorryForMyself and Scared days, which everyone has occasionally, whether or not they have MS!
I’m inclined to agree… was incredibly lucky to have been chosen, and as it happens, it means I have two birthdays! The day I was actually born, and my folks regard the day I was adopted and they brought me home as my ‘second birthday’.
Hi Fran,
My Mum & Dad where divorced when i was only a baby. I’m 67 now. I’ve never seen him and hardly know anything about him. I must have been about 5 when i searched the house 'cos ,my Mum never spoke about him. I could always just sense it was a thing not to ask about. The only photo i found was my Mum in her white dress, standing on the church steps. It had been torn into two, so he wasn’t in it. I can remember her shouting at me once when i was little …“You’re just like your bl00dy Father”
That was the only time i can remember her saying anything. I always thought she must have had to get married (this is 1953), and resented me for ruining her life. It wasn’t until after she died that i started a family tree. I knew it would have upset her. Over 12yrs ago, the family tree got kicked into touch, i may start it again. I found out a few little things, one was she wasn’t pregnant when she married, i came along a couple of years later. My Mum would be 85 now if she was still alive, so he’s probably about the same. So he may well be dead.
It use to upset me back in my school days, when all my mates would talk about their Dads, even now, it doesn’t worry me, but i’d love to know more, and there’s nobody i can ask.
I use to drive a Cab, and was talking to a passenger one day and said, i grew up here, just around the corner. She asked who i was and she said … “Oh yes i remember your Dad” I asked why she said it like that, tell me more !!! And she just said, it’s not my place to talk about him. That only made me more curious.
Oooh… that’s a bit of a tease! I understand why you’d be curious as to what was meant… but not sure I’d want to know the answer - it sounds like it could be some thing you’d rather not know!
I don’t know how old i was. i think it may have been before i started school, so very young. But i remember sometimes going on a Friday with my Mum to the Courts. Her maintenance was paid in. She got £1 for me, and a shilling (5p), for herself. Time and time again there would be no money there, and she’d have to take him back to Court. At the time i never understood what was going on. I think i knew we were very poor, and my Mum struggled. I think as i grew up and started work, that is why i did so much for her. I don’t know if this sounds a terrible thing to say, but sometimes when i’m sitting here alone at night, i wish i’d spent more time on building a life for me.
I agree with you about making your adoptive parents feel let down, if you search for your true parents.
Yet they gave you the right to do it, so they may not be so hurt.
I had a wonderful step dad and wouldnt want to know my birth father. I was 3 when mum married him. He loved me and I love him.
Boudsx