Last night a wave of depression came over me, I felt very tearful, isolated, Afraid & Alone … I felt very fearful of what lies ahead….It was not like me because I am for the most part, up beat and positive. I try to help inspire others as and when I can, but last night something just happened… like a tap being turned on. Read more http://www.amazon-lady.com
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Hi Deborah
Reading your blog with tears in my eyes, for two reasons…first one cos I could feel your pain…and second thinking I was reading about my life, just how I feel.
MS is a right c****y illness, not only does it cause soo many symptoms, it is an illness that makes you feel lonely and isolated. I so know what you mean about needing a REAL friend to talk to, warts and all.
Like you I have been seeing a psychologist for CBT, and whilst it is helping, we still have ‘dark’ days, cos MS is relentless, and whilst people only see the I’m fine me’ they don’t understand.
I am glad your blog helps you, I for one, really enjoy them, and am sure lots of other folk do as well, so I hope knowing this, gives you a feeling of satisfaction.
Keep your chin up Deborah, the weather is on the up, and there will be things to look at out the window, I find pleasure watching and listening to the little birds.
Take care, hope things improve for you.
Pam x
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Hi Pam
Thanks for your comments, I said from day one I would write about my journey through life with MS, the good days and bad, think these bad days do need talking about, we all have them and I think it’s good to know your not alone.
Today is a good day, sun shining and my sons home with his new girlfriend who is lovely, so as I said there are bad days yes but they make the good days even more special. Thanks again Pam and hope you have a good Easter.
kind regards Deborah
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Hi Deborah I replied to you on your blog, i feel the same as Pam,it could be me writing about my life.
Its bloody well hard a lot of the time, just now i am stuck in bed after a bad relapse brought on by a bad infection, and then had to cope with the bad news about my granddaughter.so just now i feel like i am dying and dont know where to put myself,i just have to try distraction a lot of the time to stop myself from going round the twist.
i write down my feelings every day it helps a bit.
J x
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You must be updating your site it was off line [sad]
XXX Don
Hi Don yes sorry it’s been off line for a few weeks, I will tell everyone why in my next blog, but you can read my last post now
thanks Deborah
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Hello Deborah, I’m not always great at replying at the moment, but i saw your blog and it made me feel so sad for you…I hate the dark thoughts and the anxiety that accompanies this disorder , the fear and loneliness are by far the worst things about this illness…I don’t know what else to say except i feel for you and really hope that you have chance to talk to someone who can help. I think the problem with family is sometimes we try to protect them and keep our personal fears to ourselves.
Best wishes and hugs Michelle x
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Hello, Deborah.
Beautifully written. You are encapsulating a lot of how our relationships change as we get deeper into our illness. No matter how reasonable and understanding we are being an edge of injustice emerges when we look back to how we were so hard working and reliable; day to day cooking cleaning going out providing entertaining-things we can no longer really do and our partners, despite doing their best, cannot fully return what we gave to them. I always joked that when Jo qualified, I would retire. It didn’t quite work out like that but for very good reasons, she did not go out and work full time. Nor does she have the desire to do what she’s qualified for. I don’t blame her but it just leaves me a tiny bit grizzly that I put off my own retirement to ensure I could support her at university. I’m certainly not bitter about it. It’s more of a “oh well that’s how funny life can be” type of feeling. I’ve had enough set backs to put that into perspective. It’s never going to be an issue but it’s still there.
I have made positive steps to get out more by joining a local art class and seeing my mates for a drink once a month. In the nicer weather, I’ll get out on my scooter.
I wish you well. Big hugs (((((((((((((((((( (
)))))))))))))))))) Steve x
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