Forum

Advice for a very worried daughter

My mum has finally been diagnosed - this has been going on for years but she has had a lot of misdiagnosis and after her latest results from a lumber puncture and brain scans, it shows she has MS. It is a gradual , slow type of MS? She has very little drive to help herself, be it diet or exercise and I am starting to feel like I’m nagging her. Its just that I worry very much about her walking, her balance, her mind and more recently, she has symptoms in her hands? What can I do to help her MS? I suppose I dont really understand a lot of it and not even sure if there is anything that can be done to slow it down / stop it / make it better for her. Our whole family has been reading up on the link between diet and MS so we are starting to make slow changes to that, though she does cheat a lot! She used to love using a metal detector years ago so I have bought her one in the hopes it’ll encourage her to walk a bit more. I worry a lot about her simply sitting down all the time. Her memory also worries me - does MS also affect the mind? She is very forgetful now and gets confused about things very easily. Any advice / tips would be much appreciated! Thank you for reading Alex

I would suggest two things to the person who loves someone recently diagnosed with MS: (1) Make sure your person knows you love them and are there for them; and (2) sit firmly on your hands and don’t meddle.

(1) is easy. (2), not so much. But (2) is ultra-important. The only person who is qualified to take the lead when someone is dx with MS is the person who has been dx with MS. The last - believe me, the absolute last - thing that someone dx with MS needs is officious relatives, however well-meaning, bustling in and bossing her about. I’m not joking. I know you are trying to help and applaud your love and concern for your mother. But truly, you need to take a step back and let her take the lead on how she wants to play this.

Deciding how she wants to play this is her job. Following her lead is yours. That applies whether you think she is going about it the right way or not. In fact, in applies with bells on when you think she is going about it the wrong way.

Please, tell her you care for her, tell her that you want to help, but that you recognise that she is the only one who knows what help she needs or wants. It is so important to be respectful in your dealings with your mother, and to be on her team as she finds her own path. Loving family are such a blessing when they help in this way, giving the person with MS space to come to terms in her own time and way.

I am sorry for your pain and for hers. Good wishes to you both.

Alison

1 Like

our central nervous systems are brilliant when they work properly.

however when they go awry, you can expect the unexpected.

as alison said, let your mum take the lead.

re exercise, when the dust has settled see if there are any classes that you could both go to.

pilates is brilliant for strengthening the core.

your mum will benefit from that.

you will be chuffed with your toned abs!