I feel absolutely awful today… Terrible brain fog, terrible dizziness, terrible memory, (I almost forgot to mention my memory! Very ironic!), horrible weakness in my legs, and a headache like there’s a band being tightened around my brain. -_-
I’ve been needing to clean out my fish tank but I still can’t bring myself to do it. Standing is already hard enough and I just don’t trust what is going on. I feel like it’s happening too quickly and I’m getting scared I’ll never get better, just keep getting worse and worse.
My boyfriend who is trying to give up smoking has told me that all the symptoms I have could be due to how I have just recently (just over a week!) given up smoking as he is suffering from similar symptoms!
However, it is still the internuclear ophthalmoplegia (if you look it up, you will see the very strong connection to MS), which is making me pretty much self-diganose. Do you think this is silly of me?
In any case it is making me quite convinced that I do have MS.
If this is a relapse, how long do they usually last? :S I guess it’s as hard to predict as the MS symptoms themselves… Argh. I just want my old life back. -_- I never suspected that things like this would happen to me so early on in my life. I guess it’s just a matter of taking note of the simple pleasures: the things I AM still able to do, like music, watching entertaining things, speaking to my boyfriend… whatever I can.
I hope this doesn’t come across badly, but all the things which have been happening to me lately (depression included) are really making me realise how precious life is. I am hoping that the severity of these symptoms might lift soon.
shiller, I understand how you are feeling, the symptoms you have can be numerous things and may not be ms. are you under a good neurologist? are you having MRI, LP bloods etc? if not get referred and seen to put your mind at ease. I don’t know how long relapses last I’m new to this and in process of diagnosis had MRI but consultant wants LP to add weight to diagnosis. in short you sound down and are suffering awful symptoms so please see a doctor and take care. well done for giving up the smoking which after watching my brother I know is hard. take care xx
Have you been to see your gp, if not, why not? I honestly don’t believe that giving up smoking would give you the symptoms you describe. You ask how long does a relapse last, you may as well ask how long is a piece of string. Everyone is different, with different symptoms, you need to have tests carried out like a MRI, VEP, EEG and a few others, but first you need to see your gp and if they think it necessary will refer you to a neuro.
Thank you both! And oh goodness I’ve never made so many GP appointments before in my life these past 2 weeks!
The first one resulted in me being rushed to A+E due to suicidal urges (a huge wave of very severe depression hit me like a ton of bricks due to the onset of these symptoms and MS worries) and I’ve had a blood test and two urine tests… all of which came back fine.
I am currently awaiting a neuro appointment (due on the 27th June) so really I’m just playing the waiting game right now… I am also under care and watch from a crisis team due to how badly I am taking all of this… I really am fearing for my life. There are many who are enduring are worse things than me, who cope far, far better than me, but I don’t feel I’m mentally equipped with the strength to deal with this. I’m not a very tough person and I’ve already spent the majority of my adult life suffering with one debilitating condition, I don’t know how I can take much more.
I am praying that I will find the help I need in order to best accommodate these symptoms regardless of what they may be from.
I’m so sorry you’re having such a bad time Shiller but out of curiosity, are you taking any medication to help you give up smoking? Some of these have very bad side effects (including suicidal ideation)?
Thanks Auntiemogs. I’m not and haven’t been taking any medication to help me give up smoking… but in honesty, I haven’t really needed any help in giving up as such. I was enduring very scary symptoms and I didn’t want to risk my health by smoking any longer so it was pretty much I was frightened into stopping almost immediately. For a few days it would be that I had a few puffs, but quickly just ‘lost interest’ and would put it out. Then stopped altogether.
Is it possible to feel suicidal after giving up smoking as a result?
It’s great that you you have given up hun! I never thought I would get addicted to this horrible habit as my parents smoked and I always hated it. You are stronger than I am and I keep telling myslf that when my son moves out in a few weeks (he is also a smoker), I shall give up.
I’m sorry you’ve had such bad symptoms but glad that they have made your brain accept it, that’s the hardest bit.
I’m not sure if it’s possible to feel suicidal as a result of giving up smoking but if you’ve been of low mood and anxious lately it may exacerbate those symptoms so it may be worth a trip to you GP. Whatever it is that’s frightened you into stopping so suddenly may be worth talking about.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat hun and (((hugs))).
Hello Shiller I echo what auntieMogs has said, I am a smoker too who has attempted many times to kick the habit! When I have tried to stop I rember that I was anxious and even had numbness! You are withdrawing from a drug! Try and keep it up if you can! It is not clear from your posts (I’m to tired to read/concentrate) weather your symptoms started before or after you stopped smoking…I do not think that I was suicidal when I tried to stop but it certainly made my state of mind and mood worse! ( my children will agree) . Maybe you have a underlying depression made worse by the withdrawal from the fags? I think maybe you should see your GP and get some help as you will just get yourself into a stupor! This will make all symptoms worse. good luck with the fags! And get that man of yours on your side, do it together and support each other. By the way I failed and still enjoy the ciggies! Ppx
The symptoms did come before I gave up smoking actually… they were the reason I gave up really. I was scared and I felt like my body just didn’t want it any more. I haven’t really been getting any intense cravings. Any little cravings I have been getting have been extremely mild and easy to shrug off.
I am suffering pretty badly tonight. Weak in my legs and arms and just feeling so very scared… I wish I knew what was wrong with me.
In honesty, I haven’t been able to think about much else apart from MS, symptoms or suicide.
[I need to vent a lot tonight… Please don’t read this one if you aren’t feeling great, yourself. The last thing I want is to make other people feel bad].
The Crisis team who are trying to help me just make me feel worse. The more time goes by since Friday (when I was put into A+E), the more scared of them I’ve been getting. I have been getting home visits from them but just feel like I either disgust them or they look upon me like I am either incompetent or mad. I don’t even feel like they are helping me, they’re just another thing I’m scared of. They use a babying tone of voice with me and they have this look in their eyes that just makes me feel like I’m f***ed. I hate it. I don’t want that to be a daily occurance.
My mother gets agitated because she doesn’t like the thought of her daughter having “mental health problems” so she has had this cold attitude with the Crisis team when they come to visit me. She asks me when they’ll next be here so she can make herself scarce. There’s a tone of real impatience in her voice. I feel like I’ve lost my dignity. I feel like my mother is embarrassed of me. This hurts me terribly. I already know she thinks I will spend the rest of my life still living with her.
I get scared that the Crisis team will lock me up in hospital when I’m at my worst and make it so that my choices get smaller, and smaller, and smaller to the point where I may as well not be alive anymore but I cannot do a single thing about it. I just want my old life back.
I just want to be with my boyfriend, laughing and talking and playing games, joking around… my old self.
I wish I could see my future. I wish I could see myself having children, moving out, having a family, going on holidays, building a career, but all I can see is either horrendous suffering or absolutely nothing and it makes me feel desperate.
I have been trying to so hard to be brave but I am suffering terribly. I can’t look after myself. Everything is a mess. I don’t know when or what to eat. I haven’t washed for over a week. A day without crying, without desperately looking for a way out, is a big achievement but it rarely happens. I am desperately lonely.
I just want to be with my boyfriend. I want to find out what is happening to me and how I can get back to how I used to be.
Hi again Shiller I can identify with that i do not really want my body either! I do think that you would befit from a trip to see a nice understanding GP. I have had depression in the past and can understand how isolating It feels. I hope that you get some answers from your appointment with your neuro, but please bear in mind that the diagnosis precess can be a long one with lots of ups and downs and uncertainty this will not help your depression. It is very scary when something is happening that you have no control over good luck Ppx
Thanks again Pollyp… Before I was sent to A+E, I was with my GP (he called for me) and he said to me before I went that I should be on some kind of anti-depressants, so I will go back to see him on Monday about that. I am nervous about going on them, but I hope they help me.
I was the same when my GP gave me antidepressants and it took me a week to build up the courage to take them. I was going through a lot at that time and I think if I hadn’t taken them I wouldn’t be here now. I really feel for you and you sound so desperate I wish I could come and give you a big hug. Go and see your GP tomorrow and give old auntie D a try Xx
Please let me reassure you, you are not alone in this.
Lots of people on this forum have felt overwhelmed by everything that seems to be coming at them all at once.
Just step back for a minute and take time to breathe.
Be assured, your Mum is just worried about you and coping in the best way she can (believe me, I understand how you feel. My Mum is a very strong lady but is very good at denial even though she has MS and always makes me feel like a wimp).
The main thing is to realise that the way you are feeling at the moment really won’t be there forever, I promise you, things do get better, no matter how much it feels as though they won’t.
Your priority at the moment is just to feel better about yourself. You don’t say why you’re living by yourself or why you can’t be with your boyfriend? Has your GP referred you to a neurologist?
We’re here for you hun, just talk to us. You are deffo not on your own in this.
Shiller There is NO shame in taking an anti D! The hardest bit is done now…admitting that you need help! It is so sad that there is still such a stigma to mental health problems, please get the help you need and deserve. Your Mum is probely agitated because she is at a loss as how to help you and does not know where to turn. When depression really takes hold it is hard to see a future, but you DO have a future MS or not. Depression is another set of symptoms that need treating and when they are you will see a future for yourself. Do not be scared that you will be “locked up” it is just your thoughts bullying you. Ask about CBT at your GPs or mental health team, you may find this really helps. All the best Ppx
Shiller. I dont have anything much to add to the comments above, but I just want to say that you are most definitely not alone. There is no shame in having mental health problems, and the crisis team should be supporting you, not pitying you. Your Mum is scared Shiller, she needs reassurance from the crisis team too.
You do have a future, but at the moment you are frightened, feeling crappy, and depressed. See your GP and take some Anti Ds, they will help you ride this storm out Shiller.
Most of all I want to give you a big ((hug)). PM me anytime and I will talk to you. Lotsa love Shiller xx
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