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Who were you before you got sick?

I post on my facebook wall and i have met a lot of people really genuine and caring but non of them actually know me. Yes my close friends i worked with and family etc do but the majority don’t. They just know me as the crazy lady with the chickens lol but they don’t know who I am or how I got to this point. So i decided to write my story it might be a bit long, but since i have shared it to a few its been amazing as we have found so much in common and things that have happened to me have happened to them and we have been supporting one another.

we see someone in a wheelchair, or meet on a forum such as this, but we don’t know who that person is.

I would like to share my story with you.

You will need a cup of coffee lol.

https://livingdailywithmultiplesclerosis.com/2019/12/30/who-was-i-before-i-got-sick/

I have just read the blog of your life story CC and what a story!!! I feel as though i really know you now even though i have never met you.You should write a book as you have a really good way of telling a story.It reminds me a lot of my story too in a lot of ways.I always want people to know what i was like before MS too as there is so much more to our lives than the MS isn’t there?

Well done. It was fascinating!!

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You said i was going to need a cup of coffee !! I went to make a second cup and a cheese butty before i finished reading. Gosh CC, that was a great story. After my Mum died 13yrs ago i started to do a family tree, and thought of trying my hand at blogging, although i’ve never been much of a writer. I knew nothing about my past, my Mum got divorced when i was only a baby, and never ever talked about my Dad, and i never asked, you could just feel it wasn’t a subject to talk about. I don’t even know what he looks like. The only photo i found was my Mum standing on the steps of the church wearing her white dress, but it had been ripped into two, and he was missing. So knowing it would upset her, it wasn’t until after she’d died that i started to find out who he was. He may well be dead now, but even if he’s not, i can’t really go and knock on the door and ask where are all my cards & presents for the last 60+yrs. I might get back into that again, i stopped it when i realised there was nobody that would be interested in it, when i fall off my patch, and it will end up in the bin. Something you said near the end of your story, … I should learn to forgive. I know that, and i wish i could. My Sister & I fell out after my Mum died, and i can’t really see us ever speaking again. She took me for a sucker, thousands and thousands of pounds. The way i look at it is, it’s only money, i have nobody to leave it to, so she would have got it when i died anyway. But the thing that really hurt me is, … The last time she visited the Crem was the day we buried my Mums ashes. No cards or flowers, Birthdays; Christmas. But life goes on, and i’ll leave my house to the Dogs Home !!

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to forgive allows you to move forward. My first husband robbed me of money, dignity and confidence and many other things. I did forgive him, and i am glad I did. My heart isnt heavy with hate anymore. He died lonely the saying goes what goes around comes around. I live my life by my own principals it works for me.

Your sister may want to make amends but has no idea how.

As to visits to grave. OK i used to take mum to the cemetary with my care worker to visit dad as she would polish his stone. There was a space ready for her when the time came.

When mum died it was unnecessary and a screw up by the NHS, long story but she left us at 93, she was my rock i could go visit her and she would always make me feel better.

I went to cemetary when she died.

I cant go back. I know i just cant. the thought of her being there breaks my heart. I have flowers for her and my brother takes them. I have her picture with dad by me all the time, and I have my memories of her in my heart. to me she isnt in there in the ground she is in my heart, my memories i can feel her.

so as to your sister maybe she is like me and cant cope with going as then you know that person has passed away and is no longer there.

sending a card reaching out is not a sign of weakness or even forgiveness but acceptance that she is there still, and maybe she really needs you. who knows.

but i felt a ton better when i forgave my ex, i was full of hatred for him and wished him harm in my head. before he died we were friends. I did feel much more able to cope with things, and have lived by that now forgive and forget. Its easier to forgive then to hold on to the feelings of hate towards someone who has no idea that feeling exists even. xxxxxxxx

At least your not in the dog house lol. big hugs, if people just take one thing from my story i am happy. so many people have opened up to me, since i posted it. Its like a form of therepy. xxxx

Hi Jaydee yes we are not MS. We are all human beings with lives we have had, we have to remind ourselves about that. MS is not who we are.

thank you about story writing i never used to write had no interest my dad was the writer but lately i find it cathartic. If you follow my blog inside you will see a few stories i wrote.

this is all my work.

https://livingdailywithmultiplesclerosis.com/2018/06/13/was-it-the-miracle-of-the-cold-moon-a-little-story-to-cheer-us-up/

this is sort of a mild horror story lol…i wrote it after a friend told me about how her son was so mean to her.

https://livingdailywithmultiplesclerosis.com/lets-take-a-break-coffee-anyone-i-will-tell-you-a-little-story-listen-with-zenda/

Its amazing what comes out my head when i wake up early lol. xxxx

Hi Blade, oh that`s a poignant story kid and no mistake! Money could never fix us…but we wouldn’t need to worry about heating bills etc. Anyway que sera sera as Doris diddledum said! xxx Pollsc

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Hi CC, I havent read your story yet...but will do. Folk have said it is eye opening and it must be good. I do bear grudges even though I know it does me no good. Maybe your story will help me lose that...Im game to give it a decent go chuck. xxx

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Yes that is how i see it poll, que sera sera. I have led a great life, i am not MS. I was a fearsome creature that roamed the earth and visited many places ha ha. xxxx I love your sense of humour and spirit. you have been missed. xxxxxxxxxxx