What is happening here?

My brother has put my aged father into an old people’s home. I have no problem with that, my aged father in poor health. However brother is actively discouraging family members from visiting him. My niece turned up to take her grandfather out to the local park but wasn’t allowed to do this as my brother had given the care home manager strict instructions that father was not allowed out of the home.

When I visited a week ago the home manager phoned my brother who then turned up and stayed throughout the visit.

Gradually family members are being squeezed out from my father’s life.

Why is my brother behaving like this?

This must be really hurtful for you and the family.Does your brother have Power of Attorney for your Dad and is there a valid will? That may be harsh of me,but it is what springs to mind.


As Wb said, that must be pretty hard for you all. I’d only be able to make wild stabs in the dark about why he’s doing this. The only way you’re really going to know is by asking your brother. Do you feel able t talk to him? If you do, I’d recommend doing it in as a non-accusatory way as possible. Anything that could cause him to get defensive probably won’t be all that productive. Maybe simply do it in a curious kind of way, or simply let him know that you’d really like to get some quality time alone with your father.

Hope it works out. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.


hi, if i were you, i’d take guidance from your nearest citizens advice bureau as to your/your fathers legal rights in this situation. is your dad able to make decisions about his own care/welfare at this stage of his life? has your dad put himself in your brothers legal care, etc?. i agree that it’s probably best to take a non-argumentative stance when dealing with your brother, but can you speak to the care home about what arrangements have been made? i’m sorry that you’re having to deal with such a difficult situation and i hope you find a workable solution very soon.

best wishes,

wendy x

Has your dad capacity hun? And if he has he makes his own decisions. The court of law would support that. I strongly urge you to get in touch with your local authority re this…theses are things they deal with you know. Also ask the home on what grounds are they refusing you as if he has capacity then they can’t. If he doesn’t it is not your brothers right to decide! Has he lasting power of attorney? Honestly contact the local authority. This shouldn’t be happening. The only way I see they can prevent the contact is if there is a safeguarding reported on your behaviour towards your dad…this usually means a form of abuse however this would be documented again with the local authority and still may not actually prevent contact if your father has capacity. Im sure you are not part of a safeguarding as you wouldn’t be posting on here. I work for a local authority hence the information x x P.s I assess mental capacity too.

What a distressing situation for you. My guess is that most people reading your post will smell a rat, and that sort of rat usually leads to money. Whatever your brother is up to, you need to get to the bottom of it for the sake of your Father’s welfare, and quickly. Your brother is perhaps not an easy man to challenge, but I think you need to get to the bottom of this and not be put off if you are told he is dealing with everything and you and other family members are not to interfere. Lisalou makes good points. If you get nowhere with your brother, your Local Authority will have procedures in place to deal with concerns about safeguarding of vulnerable adults and you should go to them for help.

Good luck.


yes my brother does have power of attorney re. my father’s finances. (I live a 100 miles away.)

He is gradually being isolated by my brother from his old friends and relatives are being discouraged. 6 months before he was moved in to the home and 6 months before getting power of attorney my brother ‘persuaded’ my father to give him tenancy over the family home. The implications of this is that the value of the property, now with a tenant (my brother) is nothing and the beneficiaries of my father’s will are going to get very little apart from my brother who may buy the property for a pittance.

Not sure if all this is linked to us being discouraged from visting.

Please contact social service, explain all.of this. POA does not allow him right over his daily living and who he sees, where he lives etc…he would need lasting or enduring POA for this. Google it, that might help you or ring citizens advice. Has he got mental capacity? Either way you need involvement from a neutral third person but be quick before he makes him too isolated x

I have PoA over my father’s finances so can tell you that this does not give any power over your father and who he is allowed to see. Legally the PoA is required to use the money in his charge for the sole benefit of the person whose money it is and whilst they can claim reasonable expenses and for legal advice necessary to run the PoA they are not allowed to use the money for their own personal benefit.

The practicalities are however a little more complicated because a care home will tend to work on the instructions of the one actually paying them.

Therefore the care home legally cannot prevent your father leaving on his own or with whoever he so chooses to go out with. The care home would have a duty of care and would be able to deny admission to anyone your father did not want visiting him and would probably not let him leave the home in circumstances they felt unsure about.

I would suggest what you do is try to make an appointment with the care home manager and discuss things to see if an amicable arrangement can be come to. It is a whole lot cheaper than taking action via the court of protection against your brother.

A lot of this is also about money in that some people need locking up for their own protection but if the state does that say under the Mental Health Act then they have to fund such care. They do not want to do that so they arrange for care or allow relatives to arrange care on a voluntary basis and then ignore the fact that these people become locked in care homes against their will.

Hi, as you`ve already has some very good replies and advice, I have a different question.

Have you actually asked your dad if he minds not seeing the peole he would like to see?

Apart from that, I would definitely think your brother is up to no good.

luv Pollx