I wanted to share my frustration with people who would understand.
For 18 months I have been suffering with double vision, which has gone from being an ailment I suffered from when most tired and stressed, to a constant burden to bear. I have had a headache for about a year- which worsens considerably when I’m even mildly active- even yoga leaves me with a worse-than-usual headache that lasts for days.
I’ve been having consultations for a year regarding my left eye- the muscles of which have progressively weakened and now I have a permanent squint. The plan was that I would undergo an operation to correct this, however, a separate consultant requested I have an MRI. The scan showed signs of inflammation, and so the operation has been postponed until I have seen a neurologist. My ophthalmology consultant stated the MRI- along with my other symptoms may be indicative of MS. I was told that as my appointment is “not considered urgent”, there is no telling when I might see this neurologist.
In these last 18 months, I feel my body has turned traitor against me. Everything I enjoyed in life I no longer take any pleasure in. My independence has been stripped from me- I’ve been advised not to drive until my sight is sorted (up until recently I was driving with the one eye- various tests have shown my actual eyesight is still good). My mental health is in a precarious state, and my closest relationships are on the brink of collapse. Access to therapy is scarce here- I’m more likely to win the Euro millions than receive any help in that regard.
But despite all this, I carry on, barely clinging to the semblance of a life.
I know that my story/situation is, alas, typical of many here, and I wonder, other than endlessly waiting between consultations and test results, and harassing the appointment lines, what else I can do to make this ordeal any less depressing?
I know it is a waiting game, that I must be patient, and that there are those who have waiting years before receiving a diagnosis- and I commend those people for their strength and resolve. But I do not possess either of those qualities and I feel quite strongly that another year of this waiting, of not knowing and feeling as if I’m losing my mind, is more than I can endure.