The man rules, One for the man (Joke)

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side…

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered "1 "

  1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1… Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

  1. Sunday sports or news, It’s like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

1… Crying is blackmail.

  1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

  2. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

  3. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

  4. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

  5. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
    Don’t ask us.

  6. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

  7. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

  8. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials…

  9. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.

  10. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

  11. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

  12. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle…

  13. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

  14. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

  15. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
    or Cars.

  16. You have enough clothes.

  17. You have too many shoes.

  18. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

  19. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Excellent but you forgot to mention manflu.

Women can’t get it,

They don’t appretiate how bad it is so can’t compare it to childbirth.


LOL :slight_smile:

I agree with the toilet seat thing. Why do men have to put it down instead of women put it up? I know it’s polite, but why should only men be polite? Never really got that.

Karen x

l bet you had those Caterpillar boots on when you wrote this.

Ahem, some toilets are a little enthusiasstic when flushed, so putting the loo seat down after use and prior to flushing is a must imo, to stop droplets of wee landing on the surrounding floor, etc.

Also, a friend once lost a beautiful little white kitten years ago because SHE left the loo seat up. After that unfortunate episode, my other half never, ever, ever once left the toilet seat up, but let’s stop there, for fear of upsetting our readers

Lolli xx

Yes Campion I had lol I’ve only took them off today (and to goto bed of course) lol

I woke up yesterday morning and thought I had dreamt it so I had to make sure it was real and not a dream lol and put them on again :slight_smile:

I’ve been known to have dreams like that before, I dreamt one night I was cured of MS I was using a wheelchair at the time I couldn’t wait to get up and go far a walk but as soon as I put my feet on the floor and went to stand up I realised it was a dream I fell and busted my nose of the dresser lol


Very good Mark, one up for the boys.

Take care, you will now have a price on your head.

Chris R.

I. El. (Eng). (Rtd).