Get a copy of Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It’s a very old book so the anecdotes are antiquated and more than a little folksy, but the message is still bang-on today.
And good luck! 
2 Likes
Nice one, I put this into Google and found a more up to date “Action Guide to Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
for less than a fiver and that looks pretty useful.
Mick
2 Likes
I can understand how you feel.
My husband was recently diagnosed with RRMS too and it is a huge thing for you to go through as well as your partner.
It was something I never considered as part of our future and I have struggled to come to terms with his diagnosis.
I love him to bits but you cannot control how you respond to these curve balls life throws at us.
I think you go through a process of grief when you or a loved one gets a diagnosis like this. You sound like you are grieving the diagnosis.
There are no certainties in life and none of us know what’s ahead. I don’t really have any magic advice as I am going the the process of trying to accept this diagnosis myself.
I wanted to say though that I don’t think you are being unkind /selfish, it is a huge thing for you to deal with aswell.
2 Likes
Hi Fudge,
Thanks for your response and kind words. I do agree this is all a process of grief, I wish I was able to overcome it all quicker & take to the whole thing more naturally as many seem to be able to do.
I guess everyone feels scared with this diagnosis as a family & if they didn’t, then they must be a superhuman!
I hope you’re managing to digest and accept it as time goes on, I’ve been reading a book suggested above; ‘How to stop worrying and start living.’ Am finding it helpful in reducing some of the level of worry my mind seems to race away with at times and keep me grounded a bit. By no means is it a miracle cure but is a positive for sure. If you’re anything like me; an over thinker & worrier, may be worth a try.
Best wishes x
I think that the process of grief can take varying amounts of time. I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago and I’m still on the grief journey.
I don’t think it’s as simple as saying ‘I will grieve the diagnosis for 6 months then will be fine’… life isn’t like that.
For me I find I’m worse if my husband’s symptoms flare up. As I worry a lot, often he is feeling better the next day so it’s just fluctuating symptoms - not anything new.
I guess it is adapting to a life dealing with this chronic illness.
I am hoping with time that things will settle down more now he’s on a DMT. He’s definitely better doing physio, etc.
Hopefully starting DMTs early might even delay the movement to secondary progressive MS and that symptoms will remain minor.
I guess none of us know what our futures will be. One of my good friends lost her husband in a car accident a few weeks ago- she didn’t know that day her life would change forever. We just can’t worry about what may or may not be- these things may or may not happen.
All of us only have ‘today’ really. The covid pandemic has shown a lot of people that.
Hope things settle down a bit for you and you find some peace- I think worry about the future always causes anxiety.
Take care
2 Likes
Dear Distressed,
My answer to you is really simple - go ahead with all the plans you have with your girlfriend, engagement, marriage, buying your house. You know why I say that - it is because in life there is no guarantee for anything. Just look at the times we are living in now. Perfectly healthy people, without MS, have died with COVID.
Plans and dreams have been shattered everywhere!
My husband received his MS diagnosis in 2004 at the age of 43, but in my heart I knew he had MS at least 10 years earlier due to varying symptoms with his back and walking. We went ahead and lived life, travelled a lot, followed our hobbies and dreams… Now he is 60 years old, walking is very limited but he can still go on long trips outside with his mobility scooter and we travel as well, albeit with assistance at the airport and using taxis etc. to get around to places. But I would not have sacrificed the good times we had together over all these years (we have been married 32 years now) just because I am scared about being able to cope with an MS diagnosis. No one knows the future, but if she is “the one” then it is the present that counts!
I hope I helped you in making a decision, sorry for the delay in responding but I have only just seen this topic.
Take careX
4 Likes
Thank you for your kind words Fudge (apologies for the delay, I missed your response) & Carin.
Both points are extremely valid, having to switch mindset to the more ‘here and now’ is a must & is taking a lot of practice.
The diagnosis has introduced an unwanted fear for the future for both of us & it’s finding a way to switch that off, or at least, put to one side.
Thank you again, all the best to you both x
Hi Fudge, I am sorry you lost your Mum. My thoughts are with you.
Hi Distressed
I’m in somewhat of the reverse situation to yourself.
When I met my husband, we were both working and in good health. Within 2 years he had gone down with M.E. (CFS). I have been his carer for the last 30+ years as well as going out to work.
8 years ago I was diagnosed with MS. We are still together, but he does not know if should I become in need of more care, whether he will be able to provide it.
On a practical level, I understand - he is worrying about how we will both manage looking after each other and our respective illnesses. On an emotional level, I am thinking (inwardly, I haven’t said this to him) “I’ve looked after you all these years, now I need some support, and you are telling me you can’t cope with it!?”.
None of us knows what the future holds (and thank god for that)… I think the question is: do you love her enough? ‘In sickness and in health’ and all that…
You have some soul-searching to do.
1 Like
Hiya. Only just got back on here after a while. Hope you’re still reading replies, after the battering you got! You see we are a very sensitive bunch us MSers. Having a chronic illness like MS can do that. I’ve been married to my fella for almost 50 years and for 24 of them , we’ve been in a threesome. Me , him and the monster. I read your post out to him and he said some harsh things about you. But that’s the kind of reaction you have got from members in this group.
I think you were just reaching out in desperation really, eh? None of us knows what’s around the corner, do we?
Your love needs a steady, strong and reliable guy to help her through this nightmare. If you’re not 100% beside her, then bow out now, sooner rather than later yeh?
1 Like