My mother got diagnosed with MS after giving birth to me, almost 26 years ago. Few years later she divorced and we moved back with my grandparents. She was able to receive a betaferon therapy which kept her in amazing health condition for 15-16 years, and then her health started declining…
For many years I have struggled with personal guilt, thinking that she is now struggling in life because of *me *. During my teenage years we fought and argued a lot, with me going through my hormonal phase and her being frustrated at me because her left leg was suddenly not cooperating that day. I did not understand it all then, but I do know now.
I got a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study abroad when I was 18, so I spent my most mother-longing years away from her. I was lucky enough to come home for summer and winter breaks, but every time I would visit I would see her health was going in a downwards spiral… so I spent nights crying because, as her only child, and a student, I was not able to help her physically nor financially. I still was the one trying to toughen her up. On the other side, my grandparents are overprotective and assist her whenever she has a slightest incovenience.
Today I’m an indepentend adult, still working abroad but much closer now, and my mother and my family are immensely proud of me and what I have achieved all alone. But my biggest concern and a trigger to start crying anytime is that now I have means to help my mother, but I see no way how? She is fully dependent on my grandparents, does not want to go out in public in wheelchair, but also cannot move anywhere on her own, has bladder incontinency… Physiotherapy did not help her at all, vitamins she takes are just for maintenance but MS keeps progressing… What brings her daily joy is her lovely nephew. I feel that through him she is trying to make ammends for the times when she yelled and was frustrated at me because of her illness.
I guess the point of this very long post of mine is to share my story with a group of people that fully understand what I’m talking about. I would appreciate you sharing if you or someone you know carries the same burden of wanting but not being able to help, or has found a way to help/be helped successfully, at such a late stage of MS. I would like to ease her daily life as well as help my grandparents.
If you have read this far, thank you and I wish you an abundance of health!