Because most of us have bowel problems ...

Symptoms and treatments
1

Different Types of Poo

Ghost Poo- You know you’ve pooed. There’s poo on the toilet paper but none in the toilet.

Teflon Poo- Comes out so slick, clean and easy you don’t even feel it. No trace of it on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl just to be sure you did it.

Gooey Poo- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This poo leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Poo- You’re all done wiping and you’re about to stand up when you realize it…you’ve got more.

Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo- This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn’t want to come out until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from the strain.

Weight Watchers Poo- You poo so much, you lose several kilograms

Right Now Poo- You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. It usually has its head out before you can get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Poo- This one is so big you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of poo happens at other peoples houses.

Cork Poo- Even after the third flush, its still floating in the bowl. Just leave it there. ( also known as “Floaters”)

Wet Cheeks Poo- This poo hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet.

Wish Poo- You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

Cement Block Poo- (with extra blue metal) You wish you’d had a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo- This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot long.

Beer and Meat Pie poo or After-grog Bog- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn’t smell too bad, but this one is BAD… Usually this happens at someone else’s house and there is someone waiting to use the toilet after you.

Mexican Food Poo- You’ll know it’s alright to eat again when you bum stops burning.

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Thanks for that…Poo was comprehensively covered there,but I will say that there is also the H Block Poo when the paper isn’t as strong as advertised and you won’t be biting your nails for a long long time

Wb

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I have tears running down my face with laughing, hubby just looked at me as if I was nuts. It so funny when sayyou yep yep yep,been there done that got the Tshirt lol Thanks I needed a giggle Xx

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Certainly made me giggle. My son is definitely capable of King Kong!! Never know how something so large can come out of someone so small!!!

Sx

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Lol at ghost poo

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Oh Kelly

That had me in fits!!!

Thank you between you and WB i have had a rather giggly day!!!

Kate x xx

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Pre MS I only knew 2 kinds, ie when I was well and when I was unwell, now I’m also going down the list going yep, yep, yep! Rofl.

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What about the movicol poo?

I cant add it up, cos some days one will do the trick and other days 2 or 3 a day, will take up to a week to work.

Cant wait to get my shower loo. Hubby complains at me using so much loo paper!

pollx…aka pooey poll!

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Fabulous!

I’ve even taken to carting rubber gloves round in my handbag in case King King poo does happen away from home. I’ve blocked many a toilet!

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Hils,maybe we should call you Marigold.

Wb x

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I joined this forum looking for some support and advice about my newest MS incarnation : poo problems.

This thread is exactly what I needed after a tough month or three. I have laughed tears and shrieked 'Yes, yes, yes! to all of the above and can’t thank Jellybellykelly enough for putting into words those floating thoughts that have kept me busy many a night sitting on the ‘throne’.

Thank you so much for providing exactly what I needed at the moment, I realise this thread is 6 years old, but hope that by posting now it may come to the attention of more ‘newbies’.

Enjoy what you can, while you can folks. :smiley:

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There’s one more poo I think? Stick to the pan poo. I had them before I was diagnosed as a coeliac. They are not nice they won’t go away even after flushing ten times. Kay

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I must admit my first instinct was, OK WHERES THE DAMN CAMERA? WHERE’VE YOU PUT IT? Then I couldn’t help but think in the words of one of my favourite TV characters “How do you know these things?” But now I’ve calmed down (and stopped laughing) I’ve actually thought of one or two more to add to the list

“Awoooga Awoooga DANGER TO SHIPPING” poo so big and long that if it hits a ship out at sea it’ll sink it!

“Star Trek”poo, annoying time thieving Klingons that won’t go away until you’ve had a shower, even after half a roll of loo paper.

“Razor blade” poo so dry with sharp edges that feel like razor blades coming out.

And finally.

“Ok heck it’s not just a pee” poo when you wake up busting for a pee sit on the loo only to realise after a couple of minutes it’s not just a pee you need, gravity has got the better of you, so you sit there, groggy with a really dry mouth because you haven’t had even a mouthful of tea and get on with the job in hand and hope it won’t take too long.

Incidentally, what is it about talking on the phone for more than 20 minutes that often has a laxative effect?

Sorry for being so lavatorial.

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Nice of you to use an illustration of Winnie the Poo.

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I so have had that one usually with all three head over sink.

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I think I’ve just been through all of them in “one sitting” !!!

I said SITTING ! !