Interesting thoughts and overall I agree a lot with Dan’s views on the subject - these phrases are not vacuous idioms, I use them myself and believe that for many people they help.
Before I wade into the argument, one fact I hope we can agree on: MS is progressive degenerative disease of the central nervous system for which there is currently no known cure.
Coming to terms with MS
There are two situations to consider:(1) the initial diagnosis of MS and (2) the ongoing progression of the disease.
(1) Regardless of the type of MS that you are diagnosed, you have just been told that you have an incurable, lifelong condition with a high probability that it will (if it hasn’t already), affect your standard of living, your quality of life and all that comes with it. In this scenario, ‘coming to terms with MS’ refers to how that individual is processing the news. It’s about answering some very big questions over what it means for them personally, for their family and friends and employment, for their future. It’s about deciding how they’re going to deal with it, how well they accept it and what they’re going to do.
And just because you accept that you have MS doesn’t mean you can’t be in denial over certain aspects - Dan’s example of the negative emotions is a good one - because the mind is exceptionally good at dealing with dualities and contradicions. I accepted very quickly that I had MS and the possible implications, but I was in denial over certain aspects. After a 3 month bender I got the help that I needed, adjusted my thinking, and adapted my lifestyle to address those things I was denying. I finally came to terms with the fact I had a progresses degenerative disease and was able to move on with my life, which leads to point (2), the ongoing progression of MS.
(2) As MS progresses you continually have to adjust, adapt and accept what you can no longer do. Therefore you continually have to accept and deal with an ever-changing and difficult situation i.e. you are coming to terms with it on an ongoing basis. This is not always an easy process to go through and I know how difficult and challenging it can be, but we all do it. Some of us manage it a hell of a lot better than others, but that’s where individuality comes in.
So no, ‘coming to terms with MS’ is not a vacuous statement. It is a way of telling others that you are dealing with a difficult situation.
I have MS, it doesn’t have me
I proudly use a variant of this - I have MS, my MS doesn’t have me - and have done since I was diagnosed in 2001. It’s a powerful phrase that is not unique to MS and I’ve heard it used by various people with various conditions, including those worse than MS.
Using “I have” is a powerful way to start any sentence because it immediately gives the sayer ownership, possession and a sense of control over whatever follows. In this case it’s MS, the condition, so for me it tells my mind that I have ownership, possession and control over my MS. It’s mine to do with as I see fit and I qualify that with the second part “my MS doesn’t have me”.
I use “my MS” because that further enforces the belief in my mind that I have a ownership and control over my MS and makes it more personal. When I say “it doesn’t have me” I truly believe this even though it’s not always true. Yes my MS affects me physically - when I was diagnosed I was a triathlete and now I struggle up the stairs - but not mentally or emotionally and (hopefully) it never will. I did not choose to have MS, but I can choose how to deal with it so I continually adjust, adapt and accept what I can and cannot do. I could choose to do nothing, but that’s not a choice that appeals to me.
And this is another reason why “I have MS, my MS doesn’t have me” is a useful phrase; it sums up my attitude clearly and concisely. It tells people that I am not going to give in to MS, that I have ownership and control over it, and that I’ve taken responsibility for how I deal with it. It becomes a powerful verbal totem that gives me focus, belief and strength.
So no, “I have MS, my MS does not have me” is not vacuous statement. It is a powerful way of telling others that you are not going to be held hostage by the condition but have chosen to make the most of life.
The language that we use tells the world who we are and the words we use are exceptionally powerful; they convey emotions and feelings, ideas and opinions. If someone finds comfort or solace or strength in using one of these phrase or idioms, then who are we to criticise? We all have our own ways of coping with MS on a daily basis, and what’s right for me may not be right for you.
The views and opinions that I express are based on personal experience, my own beliefs and my own values, but that doesn’t make me right. I’m happy to be challenged and will happily debate and discuss ideas, but back up your comments with a reasoned argument that makes sense instead of trollish outbursts. I’ll happily change my mind if the evidence is there and the argument persuasive, and the more I understand where someone is coming from then the more likely I am to review my own opinions.
Garry
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