After 5 years I’m struggling to do or say the right things

My partner of 20 years has RRMS diagnosed 5 years ago, he is still working and at times I see how he struggles…
we had a major row this weekend and I know I caused it… and I said some hurtful things… I’ve always tried to be positive looking ahead… I too have Rheumatoid Arthritis and have struggled these last few months.
I have always said MS will not impact our lives but it has… I feel like we are constantly trying to deal with all his symptoms ( he has another issue also of diastasis recti) which is affected when having a spasm, we are trying after 5 years to get some form of surgery to repair the muscle but no NHS will fund ,we feel like MS we can manage, but the two issues together are difficult to manage.
I know I’m frustrated, I can’t help more, I would never leave, he is too special to
Me,I feel I’ve hit a wall as to what to do next.
I said some horrid things over the weekend, and we both went into our own heads and not spoken since.

A positive attitude is great. A positive attitude built on the brave (but maybe over-optimistic) assertion that MS (and maybe your RA) will not affect your lives is bound to be fragile when faced with the harsh reality.

It sounds like that’s maybe what’s happened here, and your distress and your partners’s are leaking out uncontrollably under pressure in ways that make you both feel worse.

Maybe it’s time for a heart to heart in which neither of you feels the need to pretend it’s OK when it isn’t. You can be strong for each other and help each other through while admitting that things are tough and not everything can be solved. That’s OK. You can struggle and still be OK.

Thank you for taking the time out to respond,
We have had a long and very honest discussion tonight, we have both been totally honest and we have reassured each other that we will be totally honest going forward, and I believe we will.
We both aware of the struggles ahead… but together we can do it, we need to build on our trust for each other, I don’t want to hurt him and vice versa.
It’s taken a lot for me to be open about my frustration and fears for the future. But I’m not going anywhere and neither is he.
Here’s to a positive and on going journey into our future.

1 Like