I think children may see black and white zetland whete adults know more grey. So children take what’s infront of them. I’ve found older people have found it harder. Maybe because there wasn’t much treTment before . Like today my granny gave me a cuddle and said she wished she could take it all from me as she’s had her life. Where Callum my son just accepts it he doesn’t know what could happen maybe. I imagine as he gets older he’ll read stuff since kids are so computer literate at a younger age, and that’s a bridge I’ll cross as he grows up. Just now he can’t read so he’ll just see me as mum, know I’m ill but not be too knowledgable for what it entails . Xx
tbh I’ve been surprised at some of the responses. I have made no personal attacks nor have I been judgemental. It is up to individual parents todecide when and how much they tell their children about their m.s.
However, what I have done is ask the questions - are young children really able to ‘process’ the information we give them about our m.s and how do we gauge what the children are thinking about our m.s.
In reply to Blossoms question about my daughter the answer is ‘yes.’ Within the family the adult relatives are very worried, anxious etc. but the children in the family who have been told seem not to be bothered.
This made me conclude that either children can understand and ‘process’ the information given and not let it bother them or they block or partially block it out of their minds because they don’t have the mental maturity to handle it.
If it’s the latter then we have to assess just what impact our telling the children has on them. It would be very wrong of us to assume all children to be strong and resilient and everything is fine and dandy for them.
Hi Zetland, some of your choice of words has caused members here to react strongly. I felt you didnt mean any offence or harm.
I have tried to reply in a way to calm the waters, as it saddens me when we see arguments become quite confrontational.
These boards are here to offer support and help to those in distress, or looking for answers, or simlpy to pass the time of day when they have no-one else to talk to.
I believe it`s time this thread was closed.
But i am not a moderator, so it isnt up to me.
pollx
Poll, you are a very wise woman!
Poll, thanks.
I have never criticised or made a judgement about how anyone on this site handles the very complex issue of telling the children.
In a nutshell what I have done is challenge the assumption often made by parents that their young children understand what they have been told about their parents m.s.
We may think our children are ‘angry’ or ‘scared’ when we tell them, but if they haven’t fully understood what we are telling them it begs the question what are the children ‘angry or scared’ about.
(Poll, which of the words I’ve used have ‘caused members to react strongly?’)
I think it’s the frequency of the posts about the same topic zetland. There was 3 or 4 of them that you started, all about the same topic. I don’t really understand why the need for all the posts?
I found some of the remarks made came across as being judgemental or that having children being told the truth about an illness was the wrong thing etc. If it wasn’t meant that way then fair enough but as a mother with MS, to log on and see yet another thread about childern and their “involvment with a parents MS” it did seem a bit like you were trying to provoke a reaction because each time the thread slipped down the forum, another one was started.
I think there were enough responses on the original thread about the topic to discuss it without rephrasing and reposting the same thing. That’s just my take on it but I know it was the reason I felt that you were being provocative about the topic as opposed to genuinely asking the question.
hi zetland
children are constantly striving to make sense of their world.
when my beloved mum died suddenly my sons were aged 2 and 4.
the eldest used to share his idea of what had happened and to be honest it was a much easier way for me to see it.
i don’t think you are being judgemental but i stand by my opinion that honesty is the best policy.
carole x