Want ME back

I don’t know where to start, I’m going to try and let my guard down and be 100% honest. Here goes, Me before this dx was bubbly, outgoing and a hard worker. Now I’m not even half the person I was. I keep thinking get a lill job you will feel better. Then I get so frustrated when I look for one, as it makes me realise I can’t do what I want to do. My energy levels are so low, even driving is sometimes a struggle. If you saw me you would think she doesn’t look to bad. My legs are in constant jelly stage and my left arm is some days like lifting 10 bricks.

My family say I’m hard work and draining when I’m down, I just can’t help it. I hate who I am!!! I’m 100% sure that if I didn’t have my beautiful boys I wouldn’t be existing on this earth. To me, this is one of the worst dx, why haven’t I leant to live it yet? I’m 6 years since my dx. I’ve tried councilling it’s like part of my brain just won’t play the game.

Im in thousands of pounds in debt, which I did to make myself feel better. It really didn’t. I feel like such a let down and a complete idiot!!! I can’t see me ever accepting the new me.

My husband is a big binge drinker, my head is spinning just writing this. Why won’t he get help? Why doesn’t he love me enough to stop? Am I causing him to do it?

PIP took my car from me, so now I have to go to appeal at court and feel a complete scrounger. The car that I can drive comfortably in I can’t afford. I know that sounds stupid. The car I have sits on the drive more than its off. Driving a manual with no lumber support is agony. I’ve brought added things for the seat it still isn’t comfortable. I was 2 points off keeping my is getting more and more of a massive effort to get in the car it was the best o could afford.

any advice would be massively appreciated, I’m getting to the end of my wits.

thank you for reading this,


Sounds as if you and your hubby need help. At least you realise you do - and that is the first big step. Nobody can help your hubby unless he asks for it. This is from someone who knows. You are suffering depression - and like most of us - do not realise that this is a major problem in our lives. Once you are feeling good about yourself - other problems will seem easier to sort out.

The debt. l wonder if Citizens Advice or some other group can help sort this for you. l think there are government approved sites that can help. Try the MS Society helpline - that’s what it is there for. Also, join benefitsandwork - they can help you sort out all of your PIP and other benefits for you- advise you on how to fill in forms and also appeal for your rights.

Talk to your GP or MS nurse if you are lucky enough to have one. They might be able to help advise you on what you could take to help you feel more your old-self. There are many folk who get themselves depressed and in financial difficulties who do not have any disease or illness - so its not always the MS to blame.

ls the debt in your name? - And is your hubby spending your money on drink. Any way you can get him to help pay the debt off.

People on here who have been through similar will have a good idea of how to help. So not all is lost Deana.

What meds are you on - as l know some made me feel depressed. l take LDN - which gives me a good positive outlook - would not be without it. l find alcohol - just makes me maudlin - it might make you feel better to begin with - but that feeling soon turns into depression.

Keep in touch - and chin up.

hi deanna

i can’t add anything to spacejacket’s excellent reply but good luck hun.

spacejacket - how can i get LDN?

i was on it once before and went on the capsules.

but the dosage wasnt right and i could no longer gradually increase it like i could with the liquid.

carole x