Very upset and frustrated partner

My partner was diagnosed about 15 years ago, but has not been bad until the past year or so. Right now his feet hurt so much he can hardly walk. “Right now I don’t care if I live ’til tomorrow” is what I heard this morning. I don’t even know if it’s the MS. He thinks it’s gout. (a whole other issue. He has managed kidney disease. So taking medicines orally is not good for him.)

Everything I read online is so “up” and optimistic it makes me crazy. He doesn’t trust any doctors because they don’t do anything (we’ve had really bad experiences in many areas). We’re in the US. I’m supposed to go away in a couple weeks to help my sister who is having a knee replacement. Now I’m afraid to leave!


Hi Arnie, I can understand that a constant steam of positive optimism can be unhelpful. Can you arrange for anyone to come in to look after your partner? Either a volunteer or a paid carer. Regards, Anthony

I have MS. my partner kidney disease. So gout is a possibility with kidney patients. Is he active at all? Swimming? then you aren’t on your feet. Also losing weight helps selling of the ankles. Have a word with the renal dept about his feet - does he have dialysis?

Arnie, very dejavu with my sister who I care for

She also gets very frustrated and ‘what’s the point of going on’ to which we have no reasonable response

She also gets fed up with our medical team who give ‘just another load of pills’

There is no easy response … normally I have to leave her for 24 hours to calm down in her own way

She takes it out on me because I’m closest and understand that

I also try to get other people to talk with her so she can ‘cash her stamps’ somewhere else and it’s not just me

I’m not sure if any of this helps but wish you well… Best, Rob