Forum

Thought I was strong enough

I havent had a great year since the summer. The hot weather triggered sensory symptoms which appear to have become permanent they are just annoying but can manage with them.

I developed double vision a couple of weeks ago I’ve been told it’s time I started getting used to the double vision as it “may” never get better. Lots of prism strengths were tried but none helped my left eye has been weakened by the recurrent attacks of ON.

I have to close my left eye when watching tv, reading etc it tends to drift down and then deviate out it is the weaker eye. This adds more stress to the right eye which is the stronger in vision and has always recovered from attacks.

For the past few days I have been very fatigued I can’t even hold onto a cup of tea or food until I had finished consuming them.

I only hold a cup now when I’m going to take a sip otherwise I’d drop it same with eating. I am finding it very hard to come to terms with these symptoms. It’s very hard to explain when family members ask questions it’s symptoms they do not see how would they expect to understand them.

I am starting to lose control over my emotions I can get very agitated with anger which is uncontrollable I am not strong enough to accept that these symptoms will not get better. I’ve tried to stay positive but to no avail I have days of sadness, anger and happiness.

I just wanted to ask people who suffer from similar symptoms how they manage day to day activities. I’ve had to take short stops whilst typing this thread which has caused me to become upset this is not me or who I used to be.

I am currently undiagnosed I would really appreciate any help on how I can possibly try to convince myself everything is going to get better.

hi anon

i cant tell u everything will get better but i do know that it all changes constantly-thats life!

a positive attitude/outlook does help. and honesty-with ourselves primarily and then others.

for 2 years my emotions have been uncontrolable-laughing at police, crying for no valid/understandable reason. what i have learnt is to go with it and bear in mind that it will change-nothing lasts forever.

theres been several posts about meditation on here recently-it encourages u to think in the ‘now’.

i have had ms for a while now-my life has changed beyond recognition. is it worse? others may say so but i like to think of it as ‘not quite what i had hoped but i am stilll here with my useless body and strong mind’ coping with the daily challenges as best as i can.

worrying re future wont achieve owt-what willl be will be.

i write all this in the hope it prevents you wasting ur precious energy about things that u have no control over. deal wth now-the next 1/2 half hour will bring you new things to deal with (i suggest which treat are u going to give urself)

you ARE strong enough to deal with it all. sometimes we feel so alone but please trust for the past 30 mins u have been the focus of my thoughts whilst typing this-hope u feel strong again soon.

ellie

Well said Ellie could not have put it better myself. I too have had a bad time of it since summer. Two weeks before this ‘episode’ I had cycled 74 miles in one day for charity. I cycled, walked, climbed up peaks and would think nothing of a 20 mile walk. Now I am walking with a stick and can’t imagine getting on a bike. I, like you, am worried if this is a new me, if this is what I will be like for the rest of my life. I had so many hopes and dreams yet to achieve and so many personal challenges usually physical challenges. I don’t want this new me. !!! BUT I have to accept that this may be and I am not in control of this. I have spend hours, days, weeks crying and beating myself up about this but eventually you get to a time of acceptance. I will still set myself personal challenges but on another level so I can still feel that I am alive, but I am sad at the same time as I question if I will be able to stand on the top of scarfell, Ben Nevis , snow don etc etc etc and feel that alive… Yvette