'The face'

Hi :slight_smile: I’m new to all this (diagnosed about 3 weeks ago) having previously had no idea at all that I could have MS, despite having had symptoms for a good few years. I was in hospital for a couple of weeks pre diagnosis due to a relapse, so have faced lots of questions from those close to me about whether I’m okay, what was up, etc

It’s only this week that I’ve built up the courage to start talking about the diagnosis - before this I totally buried my head in the sand about it all. The few people I’ve told - friends, family and colleagues have been so very understanding and full of support - they’ve been amazing. However the worst bit by far about telling people is ‘the face’ - you know that face that’s a mixture of worry, pity, confusion etc that’s always their first reaction. I know no one can help it but it really makes things hit me right in the feels - I genuinely feel that telling those I love has been worse than finding out I had MS to begin with.

Leaves me wondering how many people I’ve unwittingly done ‘the face’ to, and now I feed bad having been on the receiving end of it.


It’s a normal human reaction Amy, especially when people don’t know what to say to give any comfort. You admit you have done it yourself, we all do. Unfortunately, you will have a few more ‘the face’ but what I usually do now is smile & put them at ease, I reassure them, I understand what I’ve got & how it works, no need to make them suffer as well. Don’t feel bad xx

Absolutely agree - it’s so natural and there’s really no alternative ‘response’. I guess it’s just part of it all. If it wasn’t for necessity I’d not have told anyone - I hate the thought of anyone being upset about me! Also have chickened out and told some friends via text which is awfully impersonal but is easier as people can weigh up their response before sending. Thanks for your kind words xx

No worries Amy, it’s always worse when newly dx. Just be you, your no different to what you are, it’s a label for a horrible condition we deal with, they need to deal with it themselves, you worry about you xx

hi amy

my sister. who i’ve always been close to, came round with her lower lip wobbling, a sure sign of imminent tears.

she’s a bit of a drama queen so i thought i should nip it in the bud.

“hey, i’m not dead yet! stop looking at me like i’m a dead woman walking”.

then i grinned at her and she grinned back, we hugged and that was it.

it may have seemed brutal but it saved her from running mascara and saved me from feeling obliged to cry myself.

I hope you find the right way for you.

carole x

Thanks Tracey and hi Carole, thanks for the messages. That certainly seems like a good style of approach - knowing me I’d make a hugely inappropriate joke, which is typically the way I go through life anyway!


You make your jokes girlie, if we can’t laugh at ourselves how can we expect others to behave!! xx

Exactly! :slight_smile: xx

it brought me and my husband closer having a laugh.

I laugh in the face of adversity!

I talk a tougher game than i’m able to play but you have to exercise those smile muscles.

when i’m having a month long bad day i catch a sight of my miserable mug and tell myself that next time i see me i have to be smiling.

so next morning i go to brush my teeth and MAKE myself look in the mirror, still not smiling.

so i stand there practising my smile.

it worked a bit but a far more simple and enjoyable way is by gin.

a good gin with fevertree tonic makes me smile!


who wants to exercise when brushing their teeth anyway

carole x