***The Bard***Contains Scottish nuts***


President Barack Obama is visiting a Glasgow hospital.

He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness, he greets one.

The patient replies:

Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm.

Obama is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

The next patient responds:

Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit.

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves onto the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle

Now seriously troubled, Obama turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, ‘Is this a psychiatric ward?’

‘No,’ replies the doctor, ‘this is the serious Burns unit.’

Oh very good, i like it.

Lisa x

H, that is apalling in its brilliance,

S xx

excellent xxx

Thank you Peeps…xxx

Brilliant Hazel -

Haha…love it Xx

Och aye, thats a gud un!

luv Pollx

Hi Hazel,

On a bad day,it made me laugh.

Take Care,


Great Chris…that’s what I like to see…thanks peeps.


Groan! So bad, it’s good

Tracey x

I know