Hi everyone,
I’ve been reading this forum for a long time but have never actually posted before. I’m having a bit of a tough time at the moment and wondered if anyone else has experienced something similar.
Today my partner became really upset with me because apparently I’ve said a few things that came across as disrespectful or hurtful. The thing is, I genuinely don’t mean to. Most of the time I don’t even realise I’ve said something in the way it’s been taken until afterwards.
I feel awful that he feels hurt, because that’s the last thing I’d ever want. He reads a lot about MS and tells me he understands it, but I don’t think he quite understands that sometimes the way I speak, or the way things come out, doesn’t reflect how I actually feel.
Has anyone else found that MS affects the way they communicate, or that things come out wrong without meaning them to? If so, how have you helped your partner or family understand that it’s the illness affecting your communication, not who you are as a person?
I’d really appreciate hearing if anyone has been through something similar. Thank you for reading.
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I find that my problem is actually laughing at inappropriate situations which can be very awkward. We got a new bed frame and I am unable to physically help my husband to assemble it and unfortunately I was laughing at the most inappropriate things. Fortunately he is very patient and didn’t take offensive. I was mortified though. My speech isn’t always perfect either.
Morag x
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Yes, kind of. I’m told that I have no filter now. I will say things that I find funny depending on where I am or who’s around. My missus or our daughter will often pull me up when it happens. It’s never nasty or overtly offensive.
However, they also tell me that I’m more happy to chat with total strangers now than I used to be 
I am more inclined to put my foot in it than I used to be. It’s as if there cognitive processing that used to a good job reviewing words pre-speaking is running a bit slow. There are lots of reasons for this in my case: MS certainly, plus being post-menopausal plus being the age I am.
First of all, though, how sure are you that there’s a problem? If you did not mean to be disrespectful or hurtful, I think you need to interrogate in detail what actually happened before jumping to the conclusion that you are at fault. Naturally you assume that he is the one whose brain is working properly and it’s you who’s at fault, but a third party listening to you both might just take a different view. It’s worth thinking about anyway. Our partners operate under a fair bit of strain too and people have all sorts of reasons for taking things the wrong way.
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That is really tough @claireetaylor21! My wife has called me out (often) for not what I say, but how I say it - and I never really understand. I think it’s trying to remind that in the “heat of the moment” is one thing, but really, they know you as a person so it might simply be a misunderstanding? The real challenge is always that perception is reality, and ultimately, they hear it how they hear it, regardless of how you meant it! <3
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