I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is Be negative.
I went to the annual meeting of the Society of Pessimists. It was very disappointing. The room was half empty.
Have you heard of the pessimists Advent calendar? When one door opens, another one closes.
I gave my wife plastic surgery – I cut up her credit cards.
Before plastic surgery she used to look her age; now she doesn’t even look her species.
A plastic surgeon’s office is the only place where you can pick your nose in public.