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Real life / ms

How do you identifi the difference between ‘life’ issues & me issues ?

sarah

am sorry but i dont understand what you are asking…

ellie

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Sorry, I thought I had managed to delete post as I realised it made little sense. Husband had a two year old temper tantrum and is now being a stroppy teenage. I keep excusing this type of behaviour as him not coping with my Dignoses, but I’m not sure if that’s just wishful thinking. I do love him very much, and he can be great, then he finds something to masivlly over react to. It’s very challenging to live with, especially when I am focused on trying not to get stressed.

i have tryed talking to him but he is not someone to reflect on their own behaviour. When ever he gets cross over something small, he finds a way to ‘make it bigger’ and floods on every negative thing that individual does/ has done.

He is not one to deal well with the elderly or disabled. Part of me feels he wants an easie way out, ie. me to leave him & part of me thinks he is just scared. But he, on previous conversations after he has had a stroppy He says neither are the case. I am so confused. If I didn’t love him so much I would just leave. I truly wish I had never moved in with him or married him. I still want to be in a relationship with him though, as when he is not in a strop or having a tantrum he is great.

hi sarah

you sound a lot like me and my hubby.

we have stuck together by the skin of our teeth and i’m glad we did.

he can make my nerves scream one minute and make me feel safe and loved the next.

he also makes me laugh, he’s great company and nights out with him are mad!

so you need to think hard about it and do what is best for you.

carole x

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hiya again sarah

from what you say it sounds like a normal couple trying to adjust to any kind of illness/disease.

it is so easy to blame ms for many things but sometimes its just how life is panning out.

take care, ellie

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Hello Sarah

I suspect that whatever he says, he is struggling with the MS diagnosis. You’ve managed to get your head around it pretty well. Or at least, that’s what it looks like to me, seeing your posts on here.

And actually, that might be partly why you’ve coped with it. The fact that you have all of us to talk to about the diagnosis, how it makes you feel and all the various symptoms. Not that he’d necessarily have wanted to discuss ‘feelings’ about your diagnosis. After all, he’s a man. And if he’s anything like my OH, he’d rather slash his wrists than talk about feelings.

I remember when my old MS nurse asked him if he’d like to join her men’s husbands and partners group, they used to meet in a pub. He just laughed and said no chance. He’s not a joiner of groups. And not someone to discuss how things make him feel. (Surprisingly he’s quite capable of being friends with a number of women, but his conversations with women are very different from mine.)

If your husband is anything like mine, he would automatically deny that he’s having trouble with the MS, or that he’s scared. But let’s face it, MS is scary. Just the fact that your future is less certain than it used to feel. The fact is that anything can happen to anyone at any time. The future is uncertain for everyone. It just feels more shaky now than it did.

But, as I said, you have this forum. You are female and have the means to ask questions about the diagnosis, the drugs, the future. And most of all, you have us. He has none of these. So naturally he behaves like a child. Eventually he will probably grow up. And either just accept the fact that the future is unknowable, or he’ll learn more about MS, or start being more supportive, or you will in fact decide that you don’t want to be married to someone who behaves so badly.

Sue

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Sarah, men can be very strange. Many feel that it is their job to not let anything bad happen to the ones they love and if something does happen, perversely it’s their fault for not doing their ‘job’ properly. They are then really angry, not with the person they love but with life, fate, everything. Advise to keep on loving, hugging and smiling.

Just my input which I hope helps. xx

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That is a much better reply than mine. I think you’re right Tippy.

Sue

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Thank you