Put all drinks down

These are all genuine complaints to local Councils

  1. It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

  2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

  3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

  4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

  5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

  6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

  7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

  8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

  9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

  10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

  11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

  12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

  13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

  14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

  15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.

  16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

  17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

  18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

  19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife…

  20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

  21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

  22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

Any problems with a drink?..You were warned

drink safely on table beside me, thanks for the warning. However you could have told me to swallow my mouthful before I started reading! thanks for the giggles.

I have seen these before but they still make me howl laughing! Thanks, I needed that :slight_smile:

That was great, crying with laughter! Sam x


First thing that has made me laugh in a long time!!!

oh my god, we loved these, hubby was laughing his a** off…amazing what some people say without thinking what they have said/written.

Probabally done this myself, especially with my word finding issues…maybe i will have to record my convos and see if i can add to your list WB. Great laughs and thanks, was much needed yesterday!

Lea xx

Hilarious, I now have coffee dripping out of my nose thanks Wb !

excellent - reminds me of the time my late mother -in-law turned up at our house and announced that she had just had ‘her back passage re-decoratred in magnolia’

Excellent had a right good chuckle, hope the bloke who burned his knob is OK.

Set me up for the day.

Thanks WB, cheered me up today :slight_smile:

Lol, reminds me of a lady I used to work with. We worked in a cafe and she always said that people had ordered ‘Patio on toast’ and could we ‘Yodel out a bowl of soup’! No matter how many times we told her it was ‘pate’ and ‘ladle’ she never got the hang of it! :slight_smile:

Sharon x