Hi everyone, I’m really struggling. I’ve just started using a wheelchair and I’m finding it hard - physically and mentally. I suffer with oscillopsia most of the time which is ruining my life. I pray to be able to see straight for just ten minutes. It’s gone from being intermittent to near constant. I’m still at work, I do 22.5 hours a week. I dislike my job. I came out of a six year relationship in June and had to relocate and as a result I have to drive further to work and I’m knackered before I’ve even started. I don’t have help and do battle with the chair before I start. I change my nappy and catheterise. Then I start. I wouldn’t do it but without the money I’d be stuffed. I privately rent as there was no accessible council housing available when I came out of the relationship. Without my salary I would have nowhere to live. I am 35 and was diagnosed 6 years ago, and have gone downhill pretty rapidly. My self confidence is at an all time low. I got together with my ex just before getting diagnosed and feel he got my last good years. Who will ever want me like this? I don’t even want myself. My uncle committed suicide in September and it left a lot of hurt. I said to myself that I would never do that after seeing what everyone went through then, but I feel so trapped. Trapped in a broken body, trapped in a job I don’t like and know that I’m not really able to do any more. I take Gabapentin for my eyes which does help but it rarely stops now unless I drink or take ketamine, both of which are terrible for me. Any ideas? Thanks Edit: ps this is all making me extremely stressed which I’m sure is making my symptoms worse but I can’t seem to get off this damn merry go round!
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