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One of those days/weeks :(

Hi all hope your well as can be! I’m just having one of those days/weeks feeling sorry for myself which I know is so wrong but I can’t help but think why me!! I had a pretty rubbish up bringing dad left when I was young, mum’s alcohol dependent and has been since I was around 10, I was classed as her carer at 14 and so didn’t go to school much. Got pregnant with my daughter aged 16 with my then high school boyfriend who is now my husband (we made it against all the odds). Still I went to college trained as a hairdresser worked part time at Woolworths (before it closed down). Tried with all my might and against the odds to have a better life for me and my family and worked my backside off to achieve what I could! All this time telling myself people have it so much worse than me so why should I complain! I have seen so many terrible things many due to my mum and the people she would bring around me and I ended up leaving home at 15. I don’t really see or speak to her now nor my dad but I have my own little family now that is all I need! I now have my 10 year old daughter and my 5 year old son to try my upmost hardest to give them a good and happy childhood!! I was diagnosed with MS in 2014 aged 24 just 9 months after my son was born. I took it on the chin as I have with everything else all my life and got on with life to the best of my ability! Still try to do that everyday and although I’ve had to say bye bye to my hairdressing career I took myself back to college to do an access course to get in to uni! And I did it!! Passed with flying colours and I’m now going to be starting my 3rd yr of my criminal psychology degree in September and I’m so happy I have done it and actually got this far! I wake up everyday with the ambition to keep going and live the day the best I can and I always remind myself I’m better off than some people so I should be greatful! But then I couldn’t run in the mummy race at sports day yesterday and I could feel my eyes stinging cus I wanted to cry because I should be able to run in the mummy race like all the other mum’s but I can’t and explaining why I can’t to my 5 year old son just makes it so much harder and I had to give my head a wobble and remind myself again as I always do that it could be so much worse! But then I have these days where I sit back and just think why me? What did i do to deserve all that has happened? I feel that someone is testing me over and over waiting for me to break and the fight gets harder and harder everyday! So yes that’s me today wanting to rant and vent my frustration and feel sorry for myself which I no is so selfish and really wish I didn’t feel like this but today and the past week I just have :frowning: Laura

Hello Laura

My god you have done well. As you said, against the odds you’ve really achieved masses. And to nearly have your degree as well. I have the utmost respect for what you’ve done for your life and your family.

What a total ¥$@# arse that you’ve had to do all this for the past few years with MS too.

No wonder you want to now and then have a moan and a rant and a bit of ‘why me?’ It’s so not bloody fair. And you should be able to run in the Mummy race. What crap that you can’t.

It’s not selfish in the least little bit. You deserve to have a whinge occasionally. And probably, after reading your post, you normally don’t. You just feel happy to have your family, your life and your newly achieved education. I’m sure you generally just deal with it.

So accept the odd day or hour here and there to complain. To chuck something (probably something soft rather than for eg a hatchet) at the wall and have a bit of a wail, or a scream (even in your head) ‘WHY ME? IT’S NOT FAIR!’

Then you can go back to being the grown up Laura that you normally are.

Sue

Hi Sue Thanks so much for your kind words and the respect :slight_smile: !! It has made me feel better about feeling so much self pity if that makes sense! Quite laughable really isn’t it but your so right about throwing something (soft) at a wall haha I’ve also tried screaming into a pillow afew times and that helps stem the frustration for a little while too! Thank you though on a serious note your kind words mean alot! Laura

Bless you Laura, for someone so young you’ve been through it. But, don’t forget, for someone your age, you have also climbed mountains that even someone without MS would struggle to achieve. As Sue says, don’t worry about ranting on here, it’s fine. You keep thinking about when that degree is in your hand & the world’s your oyster, because it will happen. Love your kiddies & hubbie, & think how you’ve jumped the obstacles you have. your pretty special girlie, keep that chin up xxx

Thank you Traceydc46!! Such a lovely response to my very depressing self pity post! I haven’t been a member long but since I have been I’ve realised there’s so many lovely kind people on here and it’s exactly what I needed! I will definetly continue to love my kiddies and Hubble as they are my world and definetly what has helped me become who I am! I owe them so much and will continue to try and give them all the life they deserve! Just gota fight on and always remember it could be worse!! Laura

Hi Laura,

I’m so pleased that you’ve said hello today.

I think that you’re very strong and special woman. Your children are very lucky to have a mum like you. OK, so you couldn’t run in the Mummies Race, but I’m sure that your son understood and that he knows that you love him just as much as the other Mummies. You can’t make a race out of that!

You always want to do the best for your children, including showing up at the Sports Day and showing all his mates what a great Mum he’s got. The love a mother has for her children seems so fragile sometimes but it’s the toughest thing on earth. And as the years go by your son will learn that and understand, maybe better than you do, how true that is. I know because I had a mum like you.

Congratulations on getting into university and to be studying such a fascinating subject!

Best wishes,
Anthony

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Hi Anthony, I can honestly say your response just bought tears to my eyes I thank you so much for your kind words! It has made me realise that these silly things I sometimes get down about aren’t that important at all being the best mum I CAN be is the most important thing over all else! Like you say me just being there would have ment enough to my son! Its just been one of them days when i stop and think and it all overwhelms me slightly and stops me in my tracks but i must always trudge on forward! Thank you Anthony I hope I can do well within the field! It’s something that’s also personal to me and I would love to work with disadvantaged children who may be going down the wrong path, maybe to help them see there’s always another path to take! Thank you again for your kind response! Laura

We all get days like that Laura. Although we seem to get less of them as the years go by.

I can see why it’s personal and I think you’re going to be fantastic in your new career. Let us know how you get on.

Regards,

Anthony

I welcome the time that it gets less for me! I will definetly keep posted on the career development! Its actually quite exciting to think about and this year will be the toughest but think I have my dissertation idea already down so that’s one thing already done! All the best, Laura

Laura,

I think that the odd rant and vent session is essential, as for the rest of your original post, I think you are inspiring, i had things a bucket load easier than you and I have achieved a fraction of what you have.

I am very impressed

When you are feeling down / low just think about your success in bringing up a family and smashing the academic side of things.

Nicely done

Mick

be proud laura!

we are proud of you!

2 Likes

Hi Mick, Thank you for your kind words! I always try my best to look on the bright side but yes some days I do just want to rant and feel abit sorry for myself I’ve realised now that sometimes this isn’t a bad thing! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond with such lovely thoughts it has made me smile so thank you! Take care Laura

CatwomenCarole58 that was a lovely response to my morbid post I really thank you as it is very nice to hear I’ve atleast made someone proud! Keep well! Laura

Hi Laura,

Wow, you’ve done and achieved so much for being so young. To go to uni when you’ve got a family to look after and MS is amazing. Something not many people would do. You’re superwoman!!

This site is the place to share the highs and lows of life with MS. Get and give tips and advice to make our lives easier. To celebrate achievements and express the frustrations we have to cope with. So feel free to rant away!

Someone said how proud your children and husband will be of you, remember that when you’re feeling low. It will put a smile on your face and a spring in your step.

Keep going and stay strong.

Jen

Hi Jen, Thank you for your lovely response! I’m so glad I found and joined this site it has made me feel less alone with this awful disease and these horrible days I sometimes have! Your all so lovely here and I love to read people’s tips and advice on all the different issues that are raised on here! It really is an insightful place to be! You are very right about remembering how proud my husband and children will be of me and to remember this as sometimes I definetly do forget! Take care and keep well! Laura

Laura - you are doing well.

Bless you and thank you! Take care, Laura

Hi All not sure how to use this site. Diagnosed 5 yrs ago with RRMS. Really bad fatigue and feeling pretty hopeless. Just had a relapse I think got scan in August. No energy no interest. Really struggling at work. Could do with some friendly advice

Hello

Welcome to the forum.

Often you get a better response to any questions and queries by starting a new topic. You do this by hitting the button that says ‘New Thread’, give it a title, then post whatever you want.

A relapse plus the kind of heat we’ve had just lately is enough to make any of us struggle. And if you’ve been managing to work through it, you’re really doing well.

There is advice available about fatigue management. Have a look at https://www.mstrust.org.uk/a-z/fatigue

There are also a couple of drugs that might help, Modafinil is the best but it’s not so easy to get a prescription for (but worth asking about). The one you should be able to get is called Amantadine. You’d need your neurologist to prescribe it though.

You could also speak to your work about how you are suffering at the moment, there might be some adjustments they could make to help you. It depends on what kind of work you do of course, but might working from home be a possibility a day or two each week?

Best of luck.

Sue

Hi Sue thank you for your response. Nice to hear from others out there. You are right we are struggling with the heat it’s been unbearable. Thank you for the link I will take a look.