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Not bad for 10PM

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, by candlelight; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.

When he’d finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. . . Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they’d cut their price in half - they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth … but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home …
and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!

SOME STORIES DO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!!

Love this story - l have wanted to do this to someone myself. OH was ‘bonking his secretary’ went on for years - and he did not think l knew about it. When my daughter found out l decided enough was enough. So when he said he was going to help her move into her new house we both offered to go with him - especially to do just this - a few prawns in the hems of curtains or underneath carpets - down the sides of the settee. But of course he would not let us go with him. lnstead, l got my own back. l wrote to her firm - making sure that all the departments got a copy. And said that l was so sorry to have to tell her - but l had contacted a STD - and as me and my husband have many different partners [all lies] l think it best she contacts her nearest clinic. And l sent her husband a copy. Never heard of her again. Wonder why.

Good Girl xx

well done Anon - I like the way you think!! that definitely needs a evil laugh - almost a cackle but Granny Weatherwax wouldn’t want us to get on that slippery slope (for any discworld fans - you know what I mean)

hehe

JBK xx

Loved it annon, this is obviously the modern non-violent form of castration. Ah well you know what they say you can’t teach an ‘old dog new tricks’ so I will stick to my old fashioned methods. In the same vein JKB haven’t got a clue haha

Helen x

Helen,

Let me introduce you to the wonderful world of Terry Pratchett. Granny Weatherwax is a witch - a very powerful witch who uses Headology. She says that once a witch starts to cackle she is on her way to ending up like Black Aliss (think fairytale witch, gingerbread houses etc). She was bitten by a vampire once - and he started developing a craving for a nice cup of tea. You don’t mess with Granny.

When I grow up I want to be Granny Weatherwax.

JBK x

Wow what an amazing story never really wanted to read Terry Pratchett before, think I might become his latest fan. I think I might be on my way already. My boys say I have the most awful laugh and I love a cup of tea. I promise I will not mess with Granny. Do they run night-school courses for Headology, then we would be all powerful and all men would fear us.

Thanks JKB

Helen x