Hello, I don’t even know if this is how this works or if anyone will see what I’m writing. I really feel like my world is crashing down around me.
Where to start… I’ve been two and from doctors for the last 18 months, cause I cannot walk for longer than 5 minutes without my right leg feeling like it has a ball and chain attached, that I’m dragging along.
I have just finished University after having to repeat some years so I’ve finally finished and get to graduate, which is amazing and I’m very proud of myself.
Then I started with blurred vision in my right eye. A trip to A&E and the eye hospital confirmed its optic neuritis, that’s caused swelling on the optic nerve. An MRI later that day confirms swelling on the brain and lesions on the brain which is caused by MS. But a lumbar puncture will confirm diagnosis completely. They sent me home with a course of steroids. That where horrendous, that stopped me sleeping, caused heart palpitations and had no affect on the blurred vision. 3days after finishing the steroids I started with awful pressure in my shoulders, neck, chest and back. In which an ambulance was sent for me. The paramedics said I am suffering mentally. And I’m not physically in pain, which made me cry. For them to say the tears are evident that I’m struggling with processing my recent diagnosis. They left and then had an out of hours doctor appointment. Which ended up with me being admitted to hospital for two night. The pain was MS hug. I had a CT scan and there was concerns of blood clots which luckily where dismissed.
So now that your caught up I would like to ask if what I’m feeling is normal. My head is reeling. I don’t know what I’m most worried about. I keep getting like a wave of sadness that takes me over and I cry and cry. I’m arguing with my partner over nothing. And he’s been nothing but amazing. But I’ve given him a get out clause so he doesn’t have to stay with me and all my crap. He said he’s never going anywhere.
But the main issue is I don’t know why I’m so sad. Or should I say I don’t know what specifically is making me sad.
There’s so much more to this story which is my life like I’ve stopped smoking since being in hospital. Whilst in hospital I missed an interview with an amazing company and there has been a death of a dear friend. So that’s it that’s where I’m at.
Thank you for reading