This is my 3rd time typing this post as I have somehow lost it twice...
Ok so sorry about the rambling that are about to happen but I just need to vent and have no one else I can talk to.
I have been getting tests since January and so far all they have found is one lesion at C4. I have had 3 episodes since and think i'm just starting my 4th (who knows). I have lots of sensory symptoms, bowel and bladder problems, brain fog, major fatigue, pain and numbness. I have 2 children one of which is only 2 and I have 2 part time jobs.....I am really struggling!!!!!
It was only when I broke down infront of my GP last week I realised how down and angry I was. She wanted me to take some time off but I can't afford it and anyway, what do I say to work as " there is nothing wrong with me". I also can not let my other job find out anything is wrong because at the minute I am only temp but next in line for a job if one comes up. No one understands or trys to for that matter but then who would blame them as I don't even know for sure whats going on yet. I told my mother inlaw about my leg weakness and that I can only walk to the end of the drive before my leg gives way. Her responce was that exercise will help GRRRRR!!!
The only people I talk to about it all now is my husband and my mother who try their best but really unless you have been through it, you really don't understand.
I constantly ache and shake from the fatigue. My children think I am useless and grumpu all the time and I can't even take them to the park incase my 2 year old runs off and I can't run after her.
Another thing is, my musband and I are newlyweds and only got married less than 2 months ago. We have had sex twice since and I just feel like complete sh*t about it. I know he says he understands but it will become a problem and I don't know what to do. I am so tired that by the time we are in bed I can barely move. Also my legs gets so bad and all my sensory symptoms mulitiply too.
I know I had much more to say but the brian fog has made me forget what else I was going to say.
I hope I don't offend anyone as I know there are lots of people that have things far worse but I just think if I had a name to whatever is wrong with me it might help a little. That people wouldn't think I am lazy anymore or making it all up.
Thanks for listening x