Leaving work to care - advice and experiences


If anybody could offer some advice we would be most grateful.

I am a full-time teacher and my partner has ms. She is usually mobile with the aid of a frame. Over the last few years she has had a fall resulting in fractured vertebrae, diagnosis of osteoporosis and a heart attack. Despite this with the help of a carer coming in 3 mornings a week we have coped.

Over recent weeks she has become more unstable resulting in a fall. I feel we are close to the point where someone needs to be with her all the time. Emotionally that is how I feel.

There is no family that could support so it would seem I will have to leave my job to support her.

Many out there must have been in this situation and if you could offer any advice or share your experience that would be fantastic.

We live in a rented flat with some savings but certainly not enough to live on.

I see our trajectory as follows…

  1. I leave work to care
  2. Too young to get a pension but could claim carers allowance
  3. Savings quickly burnt up on rent and living
  4. Claim housing benefit (I believe our landlord would not want us in here if we were on housing benefit)
  5. Apply for council accommodation

Obviously this is a really basic scenario but I was just calling out to see if I have missed anything. We just feel worried and confused.

Thanks for reading.


Obviously your priority is your wife and her care but you could consider the following, again basically put…

  1. Have you asked if there is the option to work flexibly?

Teachers pension are not too bad if you have been in teaching along time……

  1. Stay at work and use salary for additional care, may not leave much in the pot but in the long term may be financially worth while.

  2. Has your wife applied for benefits such as PIP, ESA?

  3. Ask adult social services to come and assess where you live, perhaps a few adaptations may help. I appreciate that living in rental may prevent some adaptations but still something to think about.

Not sue any of the above are helpful but may draw in some other suggestions.

Hi, so sorry for your situation, but know exactly how it felt when going through it.

25 years later, we have 30 hours plus 2 sleeps a week coming in.

OTs are great…get them and Social Services in. Also, is it time for a wheelchair and maybe hoist? I use all these.

Hi Rogue,
Thanks for responding. Those are good ideas thank you. All ideas, suggestions and experiences are welcome. Our heads are just spinning a bit.


Hey, just checking in and wondering how you are doing. I am on the flip side of the coin and having to accept that I can’t do a job that I loved heart, soul and mind.

Being a teacher and having a teachers pension, which hitting a certain age I can tap into, I am just trying to get my head around final and average wage salaries at the minute.

I hope that since you posted you have been able to find a way through the treacle.

Take care.

I am sorry that life is so tough for you. I think you need to sit down with a stiff drink and a spreadsheet and work out the finances in terms of your income and outgoings. You will need quite a lot of information about benefits in order to do that. It’s a tough task, but it needs done before you make any decisions. Get all the information available to you and do your best to calculate how things work now and estimate how things would be. I know it’s only money and that’s not really what you’re concerned about right now, but money is an enormous stressor when you don’t have much of it, and that needs thinking through. I know that sounds a bit heartless and I am sorry for that, but I really do think it’s important that you think your options through very carefully. Apologies if you have already done all that, as you very well may have done.