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Just a moan

I’m feeling sorry for myself.

Why is it that when you realise the one person you love doesn’t love you back you feel not just unloved but unlovable ?

i feel like ms has taken everything I enjoyed doing away from me. I can’t walk far, see well, concentration is pants and have very unsexy bowel and bladder problems. I can’t feel things with my hands, can’t row a boat, can’t ride my bike, drive a car, play my violin, sew, focus my camera, chop veg safely and more. The only thing I’ve gained is weight.

I know that I will never find any one , I don’t go anywhere other than to work and all my hobbies I can no longer do.

if I saw one of my cats in the same state , incontinent , unable to get around and visibly unhappy , I would seriously be considering their quality of life and whether it would be humane to let them go on suffering knowing their would be no cure.

Im not suicidal, just whinging and feeling sorry for my self. Can’t even have a long soak in a nice hot bath anymore.

The only thing I could do is if ever I see my boyfriend again is pee on his car seats! Ok that thoughts made me chuckle. I think I’ve thought of the one thing I could be good at.

I really need some of wobbly boy’s jokes

Tonka,

If this is the same chap I remember (sorry if I’m getting confused), he behaved very selfishly and heartlessly, thinking he could still keep in touch when he felt like it, and even see you from time to time - all the while making clear there was no possibility of resuming your relationship, and ignoring your obvious hopes there might be - which he was fuelling!

Is that the one? Sorry, but scummy behaviour. If he’d already decided the answer was no, he should have done the decent thing and kept his distance - not tried to dangle you on a string - in case he changed his mind later, maybe? What would it take for you to realise he’s no catch, and you’re worth ten of him?

Unfortunately, you will tend to attract the kind of partner you think you’re worth, so as long as you continue to think you’d be lucky to get anyone at all, that might be exactly what you end up with - anyone at all, and not someone who’s special, and thinks you are too.

Can’t you drop the whole partner/romance thing - at least for now - and focus on other ways to enrich your life? You say you can’t do your hobbies any more, but not all hobbies are sporty/require manual dexterity. Perhaps it’s time to look for some new ones, that aren’t so physically oriented? Is there something you’ve always wanted to know more about, but never took the time to learn? Not every pastime involves making and doing things. Wine tasting? Family/local history? Collecting something? Book club? Doing a course?

If your definition of success is you’ve got to be cycling and playing the violin (not both at once!), then I agree your options are pretty limited, because that’s not going to happen. So what about a bit of lateral thinking around what you can still do, rather than what you can’t? If you’re musical, but can no longer play an instrument, might you enjoy a choir, for example?

I really think you need to look at ways to boost enjoyment and self-esteem without thinking you can only get that from a man. If you have remained well enough to work, you’re clearly not housebound, and there’s obviously some stuff you can still do. How can you apply that in your private life, instead of just using it for work?

Tina

x

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It takes a special sort of courage to weather the storms of MS taking away the simple ordinary pleasures of life, the enjoyment of skills we have developed over years etc etc and to somehow find the heart and the spirit to seek and find new ways of making life rewarding and fun. And all the while recognizing that MS might in due course put the kibosh on those too, so we will have to start again - again!

Ye gods, it’s tough. But it’s the only show in town, and all we can do is our best. There’s no harm in feeling thoroughly fed-up, though: it is only if you find yourself well and truly stuck that it might be time for some help - counselling, for instance (it certainly helped me) - to lend some fresh perspective.

Good luck.

Alison

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Oh darlin! What can I say to help make you feel better? Its not you who is unlovable, its that chuff of an ex who has made you feel like that…but I dont believe you are unlovable at all!

I know you`ve been robbed of so much…me too and that takes some accepting and coming to terms with.

Can I just have a tiny giggle over summat you said? ie row a boat! I havent tried to row a boat! But I know I woud never be able to clamber into a boat anyway!

Your current low mood can be turned around, but I understand that is gonna take some doing.

When we are robbed of the things we did without thinking, or stuff we loved doing. So what do we do? We have to find other things to give us some enjoyment in life, or we`ll go do-lally.

Is there an MS group local to where you live? I get it could take more energy and confidence to join, than you have right now. But give it some thought as a way of meeting new folk, who understand you, without needing lengthy explanations.

Keep talking to us and we`ll do our damndest to support you baby!

luv Pollx

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Aw sweetie, I think a lot of us have had days/weeks when we feel like this, not that helpful but sending you a huge hug

As for peeing on someone’s car seat, I fantasise about that - one day I’ll do exactly that to some selfish cow that has blocked our driveway for who knows how long whilst waiting for their kids to leave school. The first car parks outside our house about half an hour to a whole hour before school finishes. So if we are approaching our house we may have a 5/10 min wait before getting there and the drive being blocked. One day I will get out, wobble over and sit on the passenger seat and relieve myself But I won’t, I’ll get there and nothing will happen lol

Keep your chin up sweetie

Sonia x

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Hey Tonka

You are loveable & forget the ex he sounds no good ! Is there anything you can do to cheer you up ?Perhaps listen to an audio book / watch a DVD to take your mind off you know who . I feel / felt the same as you and I clung onto my ex , now im having therapy and my counsellor says I need to be on my own side not giving others power over my happiness !

Take care

Kat x

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Hi Tonga hun, sending lots of (((hugs))). I know exactly where you are coming from, went through the same thing at the back end if last year beginning of this whilst getting dx at the same time. Wish I could post this saying properly, it’s kept me going & look at it often when I have a bad day “YOUR LIFE WILL GET BETTER WHEN YOU REALISE IT’S BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN CHASE PEOPLE WHO DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU”. You will get through it, you are stronger than you think. Cherry xx

Sorry, that should have said Tonka, stupid predictive text. Xxx

Ahhh Tonka. I’m sure you are not unlovable. You’ve just fallen for a baddun. There are a lot of gooduns out there and I am really hoping that you find one.

Treat yourself to something nice to cheer yourself up.

We all get days where we realise that we can’t do what we used to but tomorrow is another day hun.

You’re not whinging and it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. I know I do sometimes.

I miss Wb’s jokes on here too and Blossoms.

The place isn’t the same without the laughter and lighter moments.

Take care. Shazzie x