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In need of help or advice

Hi, I’m wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction for help. I am a carer for my mum who has primary progressive m.s I took her on holiday 2 days before Christmas, the first day we was there she had an accident, where she fell out of her mobility scooter and ended up breaking her arm, she’s been in hospital ever since due to her being unable to look after herself with her broken arm. I have had to come back home without her. Now the problem is getting her back to our area, I’m finding it difficult finding somewhere for her to stay as she can’t go home to be by herself. It’s not possible for her to stay with me as my house is not suitable for her needs. If we do find somewhere for her to be cared for the hospital has said I have to sort out my own transport to get her from the hospital she’s in now to the new hospital where she can possibly stay. The only thing is she is 4 hours away and I cannot physically get her in and out of my own car, she found it difficult enough as it was without a broken arm, so now this will be almost impossible, she has no use off her legs and only one weak arm that is in use. I’m at my wit’s end on figuring out what to do, the hospital is refusing to transport her anywhere so I’m wondering if anyone has any ideas on what I can do to get her from where she is to a new place and if there are any other ideas on where she can stay for a little bit until she’s able to be back home. At the minute I have been ringing my local hospital but they have said there are no spare beds for her. Thanks for reading, any advice would be much appreciated.

hi luciic what a quandary for you! the only suggestion i can offer is to contact PALS regarding your mum’s situation. i have never used this service but it seems to be one that acts as a go-between for patients and hospitals. good luck x

Non-emergency patient transport service

St John Ambulance provides a range of non-emergency patient transport services (NEPTS) that support the NHS and social care organisations to deliver a more effective discharge service and patient transport service.

Ask them and see.

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hi what a quandary. I think you need to talk to adult social services. Your mum might have to go into temporary care home for now until her arm is better.

you say she cant stay at home or your place so i am afraid it sounds like a home situation. an adult social services team can assess her needs and i am sure help you with transport. or HOME CARE so they keep her in her own home and supply a care worker. Help at home from a carer - NHS

If your mum lives on a small amount of money they may fund it for her.

when my MIL had a stroke i had to deal with all these things as my husband worked away a lot. she couldnt stay in her cottage it wasnt suitable even for home care it was an old cottage with horrible stairs. they put her in a home, after hospital and i managed to find her an assisted living flat which she was moved into and then had her home care package.

it seem, you need to find her a place to live then find transport.

talk to your local adult social services team.

there are professional taxi services who move disabled people, so she would be moved strapped in the back of a WAV vehicle. it is going to cost you or her either way. but there must be someone who does it where she now is.

anyway i would contact the local adult social services team, her GP too might have some ideas.

gosh really sorry what a thing to happen. xxx

Ask to be referred to the hospital social worker this is not uncommon it was my job. They will liase with local social services and arrange support for return home. Don’t go buying help you don’t know what your mother needs. Residential care is expensive and not always needed. Ask for an occupational therapy assessment and that will give you an idea what’s required. Make sure your mother is mobile.NEVER and I mean never accept a discharge or be pressured into it . Wait until assessed or you could end up with a big bill and the wrong type of care. Don’t be pressured by the staff lack of beds etc. This is your mother and I treated every patient as if it was my own family. Don’t do anything until l you know what’s required . It could be a simple care package or respite care part paid by social services. Good luck and hope you get the care needed. The hospital should provide transport if needed.

great post Xara i remember now i did ask the hospital social services for help with mum they did it all. adult social services are there for us to help us. they supplied the room in the home and transport to get her there. she hated it so i then managed with the social services to find her flat. x

I am afraid hospitals can be a bit naughty and not tell you all the facts. I know I dreaded Mondays as hospitals managed to discharge people over the weekend bypassing us. A discharge should be a planned thing. I didn’t want to find the person back in hospital with a broken hip the next day.

Things are tight and hospital beds are tight but they have other options. Hospital hotels and temp residential placements. Nursing home care is a last resort and the is need to require things only a nurse can do. Its hard navigating your way through the system. I am busy doing that now for myself and am not impressed to be honest. The key is to know your rights. A safe planned discharge is a must for an elderly patient or a younger patient with complex care needs. . But its a needs led service not wants that is what you need to remember and so you get the care you need, and the choices re getting up or going to bed need to be as flexible as possible for a fast discharge.

I hope this helps a bit. I retired a few years back but the system grinds on in a similar way but money is so very tight. I used to have to cost and justify every minute of service I recommended. Not all can be covered, housework and shopping are not essential unless you have no family at all. You have to meet them half way and do what you can. That way it can be managed with some dignity and everybody do what they can. Its your parent or family member. Social care is there to fill in the gaps it can’t do everything.

Hugs

Just caught this thread again and families can be very unhelpful. Can you do some shopping … no. You have to do yours any reason you cant do mums. Can you help with washing … no . Why not ? You visit 1 hour a week you can pop on the washing machine. My daughter works in Europe. Its hard but she tries to help. Her 2 children come first as she is only home weekends but she tries. Housework you cant? How about you invest £20 in a cleaner - it could be less. Supermarkets deliver. Places like wiltshire farm foods do frozen meals. Just try to remember social services can help pick up the care but you have as a family to make some effort. I am lucky i have an amazing husband. But remember the benefit you get is to help manage your needs. Its hard, we had my mother and an aunt 98 to care for plus me and 2 kids. We had to streamline things. A neighbour did my aunts wash. We looked after my mothers needs. I had the farm foods delivered to the hospital as i was a social worker. Remember its a partnership in care. It costs nothing in time to arrange meal delivery. A cleaner etc. It can be done. Social services can help pick up NEEDS BASED CARE. Its not what you want. I am in bed with MS, I want a daily shower and bed at 9pm. I have 5 showers a week go to bed 6pm. Its compromise. Its a partnership, you do your bit and social services can help fill in the care. If it sounds hard… it is. Services are hard to come by and money is tight. Remember you are asking taxpayers to help fund care. I know , i know what i say is not popular, but sitting at my desk with finite services and money, the most needy with no family , no help needed what little we had. Try to do what you can to help and remember its not what you want. Its the care you need. I am lying in bed now on the client side- not the social worker i once was. Its hard. Nobody says otherwise. But help them to care for your relatives, dont expect all care to be picked up. Do what you can.

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