This should sound good, right?
My company paid for it, as part of my settlement, when I was made redundant last year. I’ve already deferred it since the Autumn, as I’m not even sure I genuinely want a job, let alone a career.
But the outplacement company has been pressing me about when I’m going to resume my “programme”, so I’ve signed up for this stupid workshop tomorrow. Which means having to get up at ten-to-seven, and head to town on the train.
We’ve been instructed to bring the course book, and various bits and pieces, and I’ve found, to my horror, my briefcase is already too heavy.
Really getting v. stressed now, and wondering what the point is of doing the workshop, if it’s quite clear I’m fazed by just a single “day at the office” - having to get dressed up, and go out to catch the train. It’s all supposed to be about CV, and “networking”, and how to answer structured interviews.
I’ve been asked to bring along an ad for a job I might consider applying for. That was a toughie, because I thought: “Well, none of them!”
On the other hand, I’m finally (after seven months) starting to get a bit sad and bored sitting at home, and definitely peed off about all my savings going down the toilet each month, and nothing coming in to replace them. Feel like I’m going to have to do something, but no idea what.
Started a proofreading course at home, but took nearly three months just to open the book, when I could have been nearly finished by now. So you can tell how motivated I am by that! And even successfully finishing the course will be such a long way from having the contacts, and being able to set up in business on my own…
Just really don’t know if I’m doing the right thing even going to this thing tomorrow.
I was unhappy in my job anyway, so haven’t been that sorry about losing it (apart from the money), but I find that gives me an added problem in the job market, as I find it very difficult to talk enthusiastically about what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years. It was a dull and pointless job that paid the bills, and that was it. If I’d been in better health, perhaps I’d have shown more ambition and left, but I’ve really no idea how long I’d been ill, before being diagnosed. I’m starting to think it’s blighted most of my adult life, as I’m remembering things in my 20s that didn’t seem right, and that I’ve always struggled with energy and motivation, for years. I’m now in my 40s.