I just want to scream

New diagnosis and before diagnosis
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Bit melodramatic, but that’s how it is.
I need a safe space to vent, and I’m afraid you guys are it.

Symptoms are probably a bit worse now. Burning nastiness that are my legs, has gotten worse, and I’ve found some new numb patches. Now up to 500 mg gabapentin. Increasing by 100mg every 2 weeks (with no success yet), but I think my GP is being too careful. I’ve experimented with some daytime doses, but they make me a bit too spaced out to be happy with driving.

My boss is being a ‘rude word for a male member’. No OH appointment until 22nd (10 weeks from referral), so no advice from them yet. GP suggested shorter working days to help (I’ve now got the fatigue I’d thought I’d avoided this time), but my boss says that it won’t help as I’ll have ‘less time to fit everything in’. His literal words. I have an intense, heavy workload (I’m a lecturer), and my brain just can’t cope. I write an email or two, and then I have to have a rest, plus of course all the problems of having to actually wear clothes on my lower half.

I’ve asked to be signed off work until Easter by the GP, so waiting for a call back.

Managed to get through to the secretary for one of the hospital consultants yesterday. Not good news. They got the referral through in January, and it’s flagged urgent, but they can’t see the waiting lists. She did say that the clinics are booked in 6 week blocks, so there couldn’t have been space for me in the last one. The next one opens in April, so hopefully I’ll be in that batch, otherwise it will be another 6 weeks.

How can this be the urgent system? There’s not even anywhere I can get to to go private (was wondering about breaking into our savings).

Ironically, I’m starting to worry that I’ll suddenly get better, before they actually see me, and they’ll discharge me with no diagnosis or further investigation again. That’s what happened last time. I worry that I’ll end up with permanent damage, that could have been avoided, no matter what’s being causing all this.

Sorry. I’m tired and emotional, and I need to get my game-face back on. Don’t want my hubby or kids to see how worried I am about things.

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Your boss is the man to beat in this year’s Plonker of the Year stakes. It’s a strong field, as ever, but I’d put a tenner on him to be placed at least. It’s the combination of insensitivity, stupidity and wilful point-missing that gives him the edge, isn’t it?

You vent away. I’m sorry that life is being so difficult in so many ways.

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Thank you! So need to hear that.

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Hey. I read your post and have to say that your feelings are just as valid as anyone else. You can’t become robotic and cant be expected to move mountains for ungrateful idiots… hold your head up high… vent away. I find screening into a pillow helps…

Hope things improve soon.

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Thank you. Finally managed to start sick leave. Was signed off on Wednesday but my boss wouldn’t accept it. Screaming into pillow is a great idea. Let’s it all out without worrying my family.

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